All counseling/teaching sessions will include the following presuppositions
A counselor/teacher is:
Biased toward your biblically defined success: They are with you because they are invested in your success in Christ. Their only personal gain is the joy a parent receives when they see a child succeed, or a teacher receives when they see a student’s success.
Informed in their opinion: They are reasonably and superiorly educated in the matter in which they have been asked to give a biblical perspective. Therefore, their opinion carries an authoritativeness for the circumstances they are speaking on.
Their perspective is based in godly wisdom: They are active in seeking what is most biblical and godly for the circumstances and problems in discussion. Their intended outcome for the dialogue is parallel to the will of Christ for his people as outlined in the Bible.
A counselee/student remembers:
An invitation to teach/counsel: The person being counseled will always remember the fact that the mentorship relationship was one which was agreed to. Therefore when sessions become tense, as is normal and common in these circumstances, they must not forget that they invited critique and biblical counsel and they must be gracious in receiving it.
An active submission: The person being counseled must actively submit to the above presuppositions of counselor/teacher. If he does not do this, he will find himself impeding the process of counseling by forcing the counselor to devote their time and energy to reestablishing counselor presuppositions rather than focusing on the counselee/student. In most cases, this will be a reasonable ground for advancing a counseling session to the affirmation stage and creating an early termination of that session.
A counselor/student acts with self-control and restraint:
No loaded answers: A counselee will not answer a question with the intent of using their answer as a starting point to begin their own line of thought.
Often times a counselor must help a counselee/student to draw conclusions by guiding them through a series of questions that bring the student to drawing conclusions which were before hidden from that counselees/student's view. The active part of this process is not verbal. It is active listening and self-reflection with a submission to the guidance of the counselor. Remember, the very reason that guidance and insight are being sought by a counselor is to add something which was unclear or missing from a counselee’s perspective in the first place. To challenge this presupposition is to severely cripple, if not destroy the entire counseling process.
No cutting off the counselor: A counselee will not usurp a counselor’s speech to make their own point. To do so is inherently disrespectful. At the point the counselee or student impedes a counselor from finishing their thought to start their own, they are implying that they know the insights of the counselor before he has given them. This is not following the above presuppositions. Remember, the very reason that guidance and insight is being sought by a counselor is to add something which was unclear or missing from a counselee’s perspective in the first place. To challenge this presupposition is to severely cripple, if not destroy the entire counseling process.
Allow people to finish their thoughts:
People’s thoughts move at different speeds.
People’s abilities to process their thoughts also move at different speeds.
People’s ability to articulate their thoughts also move at different speeds.
To have a meaningful dialogue, all three variables must be taken into account. Always assume you might not know what another person is trying to say. This simple rule will keep the conversation as a dialogue and help remove misunderstandings caused by people assuming and cutting people off.
Do not argue Presuppositions: Arguing presuppositions with your counselor is a waste of time. It will seriously cripple the process and be seen as immediate grounds to move to the affirmation stage of the session. Remember, the very reason that guidance and insight is being sought by a counselor is to add something which was unclear or missing from a counselee’s perspective in the first place. To challenge presuppositions is to severely cripple, if not destroy the entire counseling process.
Give evidence not bias: Dialogue will be had through evidence. The presence of a counseling session implies that not all factors are known and that new insights are to be gained from the outside perspective of a counselor gathering all the facts. Therefore, all conclusions that are prefabricated before counseling sessions cannot be, in good conscience, trusted. Remember, the very reason that guidance and insight is being sought by a counselor is to add something which was unclear or missing from a counselee’s perspective in the first place. To challenge this presupposition is to severely cripple, if not destroy the entire counseling process.
Expect critique: A counselor is there to provide a reasonable critique based upon information gathered from counseling sessions, their own educational experience, their uninvested position in the stressors, and their bias toward a Godly outcome. Expect them to draw conclusions, critique yours and to do this authoritatively and unapologetically. This is why you asked for their help. Remember, the very reason that guidance and insight are being sought by a counselor is to add something which was unclear or missing from a counselee’s perspective in the first place. To challenge this presupposition is to severely cripple, if not destroy the entire counseling process.