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You seek validation from someone to feel your worth. You have low self-esteem, tend to lack your own individuality and emit an energetic signal that feels ‘grabby” to potential partners. You lose your own energetic power because you tend not to fill your own cup with self- love. You have a harder time attracting and keeping a partner because they can feel the clingy nature of your energy. You don't always understand why people don’t want to stay with you and get frustrated because you feel you are just being connecting and caring.
You attract the ones with “potential”. To you, they feel like a ‘fixer upper” and you know if you just bring that amazing energy out, they will be a great match. You think your loving energy, your compassion, your ideas and your light can bring out the best in someone. You see the one with potential as someone with massive possibility rather than an equal and feel they will see how fabulous you are by helping them elevate themselves to achieve this potential. It wipes out your energy because you are not getting paid to teach or “upgrade” anyone and you discover it isn’t up to you to do so. You are not attracting relationships that really align with you and feel you have to lower your standards or wait for someone to grow into who you expect them to be.
Due to your impatience and lower self-worth, you attract people who don’t really meet your needs or standards. You don’t have the greatest connection or chemistry with them either, but you don’t want to be alone. You are afraid there really isn’t anyone better out there for you that will offer the kind of relationship you are really seeking so you settle for what you think is the best you can get.
You attract romantic partners you have to parent. They are not as mature, they don't clean up after themselves, they don't take care of basics and “mama” has to remind, parent, guide and even give a time out. You can be bossy and attract people who are not as strong within themselves or those who grew up with women doing everything for them, so you feel the need to parent them. You parent with maternal love and nurturing, but also discipline and nagging. You don’t get what you need so become so self-sufficient and feel annoyed that no one is really doing their ‘job’ or helping you. If you have kids- while the love is so strong for them being a Mama is tiring. It is more exhausting to step into a parent role with a romantic partner. The parent-child dynamic does not work long term.
You attract harsh people, harsh relationships, even those who emotionally and often physically abuse you. You suffer in silence because you are afraid to leave,afraid to be alone, afraid to start over. The familiarity of abusive and harsh people become so familiar to you that you don’t know how to be without it and fear the unknown if you do decide to leave. It completely destroys your energy, esteem and sense of self to be abused in any way.
While you may see yourself as being sweet, kind, loving and compassionate, you can lean into the fear of being controlled and become controlling. The controller has not received what she needs in life and attracts people who she can control or needs to control in order to make sure her needs are met and she is safe. You never felt safe with others and grew up neglected, ignored and have been in situations that have you unable to trust. Controlling others feels to you like you can stay safe and make sure things are done your way. It is tiring to try and control another person and doesn’t work long term in a relationship.
You have grown up being alone with yourself and being very independent. You were also neglected, ignored, misunderstood, made fun of earlier in your life and so tend to shut down, keep to yourself rather than risk the scrutiny of others. You deeply fear connection and intimacy but may not be aware of it. You rarely give yourself opportunities to have anyone get close to you, wondering why you attract unavailable romantic partners. You push others away energetically, or attract people who either try to get you out of your shell or who feel you are cold and aloof. While you get plenty of alone time, you live on the island of self-isolation and exhaust yourself with feelings of disappointment and sadness. You wonder why romantic partners don’t stick around and live in an illusion of safety by keeping your walls up, but don't really feel good about your relationship situation.
You are the biggest self-sacrificing, people pleaser and convincer of all the archetypes. You will give the blouse off your back for the romantic partner in your life, contort yourself to accommodate someone just to please them and keep them in your life. You have a very empty tank energetically because you give it all away to a relationship. You are miserable because no one accommodates or tries to please you and you wonder why things feel so one-sided. You often forget who you are because you have pretzeled yourself to please someone so much. It is draining to constantly feel you can’t be your authentic self and you try to guess and be what you think someone wants you to be.
You attract people into your life, but at the first sign of perceived conflict or fear, you bolt. You would rather be the runaway bride, the person who ghosts people, and your standards are so high and specific that no one could possibly meet them, which validates your deeper fear that you are not enough and that a romantic partner will hurt you. You spend too much time alone and do not balance your time because you are busy trying to protect yourself to avoid getting hurt. It costs you a lot of energy because running and avoiding is exhausting and costs you possible relationships because you don’t stay long enough to find out whether or not a person could be a great match.
You feel you have to be absolutely perfect and have a clear definition of what that is in order to attract, and keep a romantic partner. You wear many masks, avoid vulnerability and authenticity because you don’t feel anyone will like or love the real you. You don’t feel good enough, or lovable. You attract romantic partners who criticize you because they will mirror your belief that you need to be perfect. Your energy gets so drained with trying to keep up the illusion of perfection. Your tension and fear about being seen prevents you from allowing someone to love you. If someone sees the real you, you feel too exposed, and are convinced that they will not want to be with you.
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