Couples Accessible, Responsive, Engaged Questionnaire (A.R.E.)

Couples Accessible, Responsive, Engaged

(A.R.E.) Questionnaire

CONFIDENTIAL

The A.R.E. questionnaire is a great way to begin to see your relationship through an attachment lens. Simply read each statement and place a check mark in the appropriate box. You can use this questionnaire on your own or you and your partner can each complete it and discuss your answers together. This comes from "Hold Me Tight" by Sue Johnson.

Client Full Name*

First NameLast Name

Client Email Address*

example@example.com

Which therapist are you scheduled with?*

UnknownOther

From your viewpoint is your partner ACCESSIBLE to you?

	True (1)	False (0)
I can get my partner's attention easily.
My partner is easy to connect with emotionally.
My partner shows me I come first with him/her.
I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship.
I can share my deepest feelings with my partner he/she will listen.

From your viewpoint is your partner RESPONSIVE to you?

	True (1)	False (0)
If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me.
My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close.
I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure.
Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together.
If I need reassurance that I am important to my partner, I can get it.

Are you positively emotionally ENGAGED with each other?

	True (1)	False (0)
I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner.
I can confide in my partner about almost anything.
I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other.
I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears.
I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner.

Total the number of TRUE responses

If you scored:

7 or more: You are well on your way to having a secure bond with your partner and can use therapy to strengthen it.

Less than 7: You are probably feeling insecure in your relationship and therapy can help you strengthen your connection with your partner.

Understanding the emotional connection between you and your partner and sharing how you see it is the first step to creating the connection you both want and need.

Does your partner's view of how accessible, responsive and engaged you are fit with your own view of yourself?
How safe do you feel in your relationship? Try to remember that your partner is speaking about how safe and connected he/she feels right now in your relationship, not about whether you are a perfect partner.
You can now take turns talking about the question/answer that was most positive and important for you. Keep the conversation to five minutes each. If you feel comfortable, try to discuss the answer that brought up the most difficult emotions for you. Do this in the spirit of helping your partner tune into your feelings. Avoid criticism and blame. Keep this conversaation to five minutes each.