So many misunderstandings in our relationships can come from assumed unstated expectations. We often don't know that we have these beliefs until we experience conflict, and it can be difficult to talk through or even recognize our assumptions.
I suggest that you work through this worksheet with your partner. The first part is answering how often you expect the statements of your partner (1 is rarely to 5 is usually). The second part is answering the same statements but in the form of how often you do this for your partner (on the same 1 to 5 scale).
Working through this as a couple allows you to see gaps in assumptions and actuals. Perhaps you assume that both partners are 50/50, but your partner has a different ranking. You may show that you do something rarely, but that's ok because your partner does not expect this. It's still good to talk through the places of alignment, because even then a partner may have already compromised. Use this to talk about the future, not to rehash the past.
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