Communication Assessment
Welcome to the Mystics Communication Assessment. This assessment is designed to give you insight into the skillfulness and quality of your listening and communication in eight important areas: presence, empathy, attunement, depth, emotional intimacy, aggression, conflict repair and effectiveness. Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill most often in your romantic relationship over the past year.
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PRESENCE
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
1. I am an available listener and others can get my attention.
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2. I maintain eye contact when someone else is speaking.
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Rarely
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3. In conversation, I allow space for natural pauses and I am comfortable with natural moments of silence.
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4. I can listen from a deeper presence and slow things down when needed as a doorway to immediacy, greater clarity and deeper intimacy.
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Rarely
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5. I have difficulty paying attention when listening and can seem preoccupied, distracted or more concerned about my phone.
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Usually
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EMPATHY & PERSPECTIVE
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
6. I can acknowledge multiple perspectives, including those of other people while simultaneously maintaining my own, regardless of how relatively true they may or may not be.
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7. When listening, I pay attention and verbally reflect back a summary or specific details of what I heard them say, so they feel heard and understood.
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8. I am able to read emotions that others are feeling, empathize and emotionally resonate with them and verbally reflect back what I sense they may be feeling.
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9. I interrupt or talk-over others when they are trying to speak or it can seem like I am just waiting to talk again.
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Rarely
10. I can be self-absorbed and turn the conversation into something about myself.
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Usually
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ATTUNEMENT
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
11. I listen with genuine interest and curiosity, really trying to discover what their inner world is like.
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12. I can sense when to be silent, when to emphasize and when to ask a useful question.
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13. When listening, I am relaxed, open and grounded in my body, so I can sense, with my whole being, the multiple layers of someone's expression (words, tone of voice, emotion, energy, body language, etc.).
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14. While speaking, my attention is usually in my own mind and I do not sense the other person or the quality of our connection.
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15. I try to fix others, problem solve or give unsolicited advice, when they probably just want me to listen.
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DEPTH
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
16. I listen in a way that has others feel heard, felt, seen and understood.
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17. I listen in a way that has others feel safe, accepted and free to express a greater depth and range of themselves.
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18. I really value transparency and allow others to feel, see, hear and know my inner world.
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19. I communicate and connect with my partner in a way that has him/her feel important and loved.
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20. I use humor, sarcasm, clichés or try to change the subject when discussions go beyond the surface level to avoid depth, discomfort or expressing what I really think or feel.
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Usually
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EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
21. I am a responsive listener and it is easy to emotionally connect with me
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22. I really enjoy being emotionally open in creating closeness and connection with others.
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23. I am able to openly express emotion as part of a conversation, for example directly naming when I notice I am feeling frustration, sadness, or disappointment, instead of shutting down, trying to keep talking over it or getting highly reactive.
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Rarely
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24. When emotions are brought up, I get uncomfortable, emotionally shut-down or become overly mental to avoid emotion.
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Usually
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Rarely
25. I can be distant, aloof or withdrawn to avoid closeness and connection.
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Usually
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AGGRESSION
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
26. I can be critical or judgmental.
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27. I can be brutally honest, mean, aggressive, verbally abusive and say hurtful things.
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28. I like to be right and try to prove my point to win or I can be condescending or teachy in a superior tone of voice.
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29. I can be short, irritable, moody and emotionally reactive.
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30. I can be controlling, overstep my bounds or get too involved in others' lives, so they might not want to speak openly to me.
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REPAIR
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
31. When a conversation increases in intensity, I am able to slow us down, pause or use vulnerability to deescalate and restore connection.
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Rarely
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32. When tension arises, I am skillful at naming it, disarming the situation and restoring open-hearted connection.
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Rarely
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33. I am willing to have a deeper conversation when something feels off and communicate to resolve misunderstanding, conflict or disconnection.
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Rarely
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34. I am able to acknowledge responsibility for my contribution and apologize for words and actions that may have been hurtful or out of integrity.
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35. I can be overly defensive, get triggered by most feedback and have difficulty sincerely apologizing.
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Usually
Often
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Occasionally
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CLARITY & EFFECTIVENESS
Please read each statement and select the response that best describes how you relate to that communication skill in your romantic relationship over the past year.
36. I am able to say "no" in a clear non-reactive way when appropriate by maintaining health boundaries and self-respect.
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Rarely
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37. I am able to be aware of my needs, make direct requests and ask for what I do or don't want.
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Rarely
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38. I try to make others feel guilty, use emotional manipulation or don't directly say what I mean.
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39. While speaking, I can speak too quickly, jump to the next point or repeat the same thing multiple times without checking to ensure we understand each other.
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40. I tend to talk too fast, too much or for too long.
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Total Points
Presence Total Points
Empathy & Perspective Total Points
Attunement Total Points
Depth Total Points
Emotional Intimacy Total Points
Aggression Total Points
Repair Total Points
Clarity & Effectiveness Total Points
Results
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