Have you ever felt like the person you know yourself to be doesn't match up with the way other people see you?
 
Maybe that's intentional. Maybe you've decided to try on different identities, personalities, or interests in differentsituations, or with different groups of people, to see if the identity you're trying on really "fits" or not.
 
But when it's not intentional - when other people say we're someone or something we don't think we are, it can be confusing.

Maybe you think you're pretty friendly, but people say you're shy. Or you think you're pretty good at something, but people say you aren't.

When our ideas about ourselves don’t match up with other people's ideas of us, who's right?

Sometimes other people just don't understand us.

Sometimes other people want to change us.

And sometimes we want to change ourselves because we think it's what other people would want.

Sometimes we think of our "identity" as something that never changes.

While it's true some things about us will always stay the same, some things that make you who you are have already changed, haven't they?

As you can probably tell, who you are can change (in some ways) throughout your lifetime.

Sometimes you'll be . . .

certain about who you are.

Or curious about who you could become.

Or not really worried about it.

Or totally rethinking what you thought you knew about yourself.

And all of these things might be happening at the exact same time.

Maybe you're . . .

Certain you believe in Jesus.

But curious about developing new skills and interests.

Not really worried about what your future holds.

And totally rethinking the group of friends you want to be a part of right now.

See? Your journey toward understanding who you are (and who you want to become) can look different in different areas of your life - and at different times in your life. What you might be certain about today might become a question tomorrow. And what you aren't even thinking about right now could become a really big deal later. So discovering who you are isn't really a task you can check off a to-do list. It's more like a status you can update.

SO . . . WHAT'S THE STATUS OF YOUR IDENTITY?

Good question. Let's find out!

WHAT'S YOUR STATUS?

In every area of your life, there are four statuses you can choose from. A psychologist named James Marcia came up with this idea, if you're bored and want to do some Googling. According to him, when trying to answer the question, "Who are you?" you might say one of these four things . . .
 
1. "I DON'T KNOW who I am, and I'm NOT WORRIED about it." This happens when you're not really thinking or caring about who you are or who you'll be in the future. You're comfortable, content, or maybe just too lazy, overwhelmed, or busy to really worry about it.
 
2. "I DON'T KNOW who I am, but I'm TRYING to figure it out." This happens when you're not sure who you are, so you're experimenting with different styles of clothes, or music, or fandoms, or friend groups, or belief systems. For most people your age, in most areas of their lives, this is usually their status.
 
3. "I KNOW WHO I am, but I'm still sort of NEW at it." This happens after you've explored some different options, but then you picked one and committed to it! Maybe you decided to care about a certain sport or hobby, or picked your "permanent" group of friends, or chose to get serious about your faith. At your age, this might be your status in one or two areas of your life, but remember - you might be committed to it, but you're still pretty new at it. And that's okay!
 
4. "I KNOW WHO I am because I WORKED HARD to figure it out." For most people, this one doesn't usually happen until adulthood. It's sort of the last stop on this journey toward figuring out who you are. After you've explored your identity and committed to it, you'll be new at it for a while  -  until you face a big challenge or test. If that piece of your identity survives that tough battle, this is your new identity status.