Clarifying Passive-Aggressive Behavior Checklist by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

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About your "person in question".

Please answer each item - as it relates to the person you are thinking of for this checklist - with the following choices : Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often or Always
1. They blame me for everything, even the weather.*

NoSometimesYes
2. They seemed to be my soulmate, my dream lover, and my “too good to be true” catch…at first.*

NoSometimesYes
3. They subtly or straight out insult me, shame me or put me down.*

NoSometimesYes
4. They are often moody, grouchy, or overly-sensitive.*

NoSometimesYes
5. They rely on me financially or spends well outside the budget.*

NoSometimesYes
6. They are constantly scrutinizing my behavior, my dress, my words.*

NoSometimesYes
7. They have little interest in what I'm thinking, feeling, needing, or wanting.*

NoSometimesYes
8. They want my full attention, and want me to give up friends or family.*

NoSometimesYes
9. They withhold appropriate contributions to household & living expenses.*

NoSometimesYes
10. They sometimes makes a fuss about things, and other times just let things go.*

NoSometimesYes
11. They use the children as pawns, messengers, and weapons to get what they want.*

NoSometimesYesN/A
12. They tell me my feelings are wrong, unimportant, or trivial.*

NoSometimesYes
13. They react negatively in ways that are out of proportion to the issue on the table.*

NoSometimesYes
14. They use the past as a weapon, and regularly throw earlier events in my face, particularly as proof about why they are right.*

NoSometimesYes
15. They made me feel very sorry for them early in the relationship, and I've been trying to “make up for it” somehow ever since.*

NoSometimesYes
16. They were in a big hurry to move in together/get married/have kids, and I felt pressured, pushed, and wrong for wanting to slow things down.*

NoSometimesYes
17. They threaten to commit suicide or other dire things when I want to leave the relationship.*

NoSometimesYes
18. They are irresponsible, reckless, and inconsiderate much of the time.*

NoSometimesYes
19. They seem incapable of empathy, and when it DOES seem to be shown, it’s to manipulate me later.*

NoSometimesYes
20. They change their view: from loving me to hating me over small things.*

NoSometimesYes
21. They lie easily and frequently, even about small, inconsequential things as well as big things.*

NoSometimesYes
22. They need to know where I am and what I’m doing, constantly texting, calling, or checking up.*

NoSometimesYes
23. They showered me with affection, made me the center of their universe in the beginning.*

NoSometimesYes
24. They control every penny spent in the household.*

NoSometimesYes
25. They don't bother to control their mouth, temper, anger, or emotions in any way.*

NoSometimesYes
26. They don't like to compromise, and even when they do compromise, it is begrudging, and they it up often as proof that they are a reasonable person.*

NoSometimesYes
27. They make me question my sanity and my ability to remember what was said or done.*

NoSometimesYes
28. They have made the children withdraw from sharing thoughts, feelings or wants with them.*

NoSometimesYesN/A
29. They show no remorse, concern or care for what they have done and how it affects me.*

NoSometimesYes
30. They either spend little time with the children, or coach the children to ignore me or disrespect me.*

NoSometimesYesN/A
31. They are not in touch with their own feelings, or deny having them at all.*

NoSometimesYes
32. They are controlling, needing to have power over people and things.*

NoSometimesYes
33. They have no respect for people, feelings, rules, or the general good.*

NoSometimesYes
34. They manipulate situations and people for their own purposes and selfish gain.*

NoSometimesYes
35. They exploit people and situations to their own advantages.*

NoSometimesYes
36. They ignore the children, who are always trying to get their attention, love, or praise.*

NoSometimesYesN/A
37. They seem to have no conscience or values, no clear idea of right and wrong.*

NoSometimesYes
38. They care deeply about what other people think, even while saying they don't care at all.*

NoSometimesYes
39. They compete with me about everything, and make my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, and opinions wrong.*

NoSometimesYes
40. They make me feel used, exhausted, worthless, incompetent, and/or crazy.*

NoSometimesYes
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About your "person in question".