Clarifying Passive-Aggressive Behavior Checklist by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

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About your "person in question".

Please answer each item - as it relates to the person you are thinking of for this checklist - with the following choices : Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Often or Always
1. They blame me for everything, even the weather. *

No Sometimes Yes
2. They seemed to be my soulmate, my dream lover, and my “too good to be true” catch…at first. *

No Sometimes Yes
3. They subtly or straight out insult me, shame me or put me down. *

No Sometimes Yes
4. They are often moody, grouchy, or overly-sensitive. *

No Sometimes Yes
5. They rely on me financially or spends well outside the budget. *

No Sometimes Yes
6. They are constantly scrutinizing my behavior, my dress, my words. *

No Sometimes Yes
7. They have little interest in what I'm thinking, feeling, needing, or wanting. *

No Sometimes Yes
8. They want my full attention, and want me to give up friends or family. *

No Sometimes Yes
9. They withhold appropriate contributions to household & living expenses. *

No Sometimes Yes
10. They sometimes makes a fuss about things, and other times just let things go. *

No Sometimes Yes
11. They use the children as pawns, messengers, and weapons to get what they want. *

No Sometimes Yes N/A
12. They tell me my feelings are wrong, unimportant, or trivial. *

No Sometimes Yes
13. They react negatively in ways that are out of proportion to the issue on the table. *

No Sometimes Yes
14. They use the past as a weapon, and regularly throw earlier events in my face, particularly as proof about why they are right. *

No Sometimes Yes
15. They made me feel very sorry for them early in the relationship, and I've been trying to “make up for it” somehow ever since. *

No Sometimes Yes
16. They were in a big hurry to move in together/get married/have kids, and I felt pressured, pushed, and wrong for wanting to slow things down. *

No Sometimes Yes
17. They threaten to commit suicide or other dire things when I want to leave the relationship. *

No Sometimes Yes
18. They are irresponsible, reckless, and inconsiderate much of the time. *

No Sometimes Yes
19. They seem incapable of empathy, and when it DOES seem to be shown, it’s to manipulate me later. *

No Sometimes Yes
20. They change their view: from loving me to hating me over small things. *

No Sometimes Yes
21. They lie easily and frequently, even about small, inconsequential things as well as big things. *

No Sometimes Yes
22. They need to know where I am and what I’m doing, constantly texting, calling, or checking up. *

No Sometimes Yes
23. They showered me with affection, made me the center of their universe in the beginning. *

No Sometimes Yes
24. They control every penny spent in the household. *

No Sometimes Yes
25. They don't bother to control their mouth, temper, anger, or emotions in any way. *

No Sometimes Yes
26. They don't like to compromise, and even when they do compromise, it is begrudging, and they it up often as proof that they are a reasonable person. *

No Sometimes Yes
27. They make me question my sanity and my ability to remember what was said or done. *

No Sometimes Yes
28. They have made the children withdraw from sharing thoughts, feelings or wants with them. *

No Sometimes Yes N/A
29. They show no remorse, concern or care for what they have done and how it affects me. *

No Sometimes Yes
30. They either spend little time with the children, or coach the children to ignore me or disrespect me. *

No Sometimes Yes N/A
31. They are not in touch with their own feelings, or deny having them at all. *

No Sometimes Yes
32. They are controlling, needing to have power over people and things. *

No Sometimes Yes
33. They have no respect for people, feelings, rules, or the general good. *

No Sometimes Yes
34. They manipulate situations and people for their own purposes and selfish gain. *

No Sometimes Yes
35. They exploit people and situations to their own advantages. *

No Sometimes Yes
36. They ignore the children, who are always trying to get their attention, love, or praise. *

No Sometimes Yes N/A
37. They seem to have no conscience or values, no clear idea of right and wrong. *

No Sometimes Yes
38. They care deeply about what other people think, even while saying they don't care at all. *

No Sometimes Yes
39. They compete with me about everything, and make my thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, and opinions wrong. *

No Sometimes Yes
40. They make me feel used, exhausted, worthless, incompetent, and/or crazy. *

No Sometimes Yes
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About your "person in question".