HYPER-ASSISTIVE PEOPLE PLEASING (Type III)

• Defined by the persistent act of giving unsolicited contribution of advice or help--especially if accompanied by frustration when advice is not taken.
• It is normally seen in real life and definitely on social media with individuals, springing into action without being specifically asked for help.
• This people pleasing style is also aligned with the control and denial codependent patterns of behavior (CPB) (coda.org)

Top Outcome:

It’s great to be helpful; however, you don’t have to help everyone with an issue, or that brings an issue to you via online or offline communication. Continuing to do this will probably drain you–even though you won’t admit it. Consider asking someone what they need before assuming you know–even if they are venting. Believe it or not, the answer you give, may not be what they seeking.

In business: 

Be very careful that you do not overextend yourself or create situations where you are being “helpful” without or without adequate or proper compensation.  Additionally, you may need to set proper boundaries so that you do not become a goto person for free work or imbalanced business relationship.  Remember that what you may deem as being helpful, may really be you enabling a very entitled customer or client.

Your brand and marketing recommendations:

• Emphasize customized solutions.
• Allows for one(1) question at no charge
  • Use a platform that lets you limit interactions with ease.
• Emphasizes value of the service or product that you provide.

Your best tools:

• “Freebie” quota
• Payment platforms,
• Ready made invoicing
• Professional boundaries.
  Brand strategist experienced in crafting narratives. 
• Marketing systems that allow for CRM integration and include live or scheduled Q and A sessions addressing the questions you receive the most.
• 
  You can add an FAQ section to your website and social media as well.

Click here to book a free coaching call.

DYSREGULATED PEOPLE PLEASING  (Type I)

• Disregarding/ mismanagement of own emotional and material needs with intentional prioritization of what others need or want from you.
• Aligned with compliance codependent pattern of behavior (coda.org)
• This is the most common people pleasing style, per internal and external research.

Top Outcome:

Your emotions are not distractions or something to disregard. These are gifts from your soul meant to empower you from within. In your childhood, there may not have been adequate room in your family dynamic to accommodate your feelings; however, you now have a beautiful opportunity to rewrite your story with your and your feelings as main characters–not “extras.”

While it may be uncomfortable, learning to honor your emotions properly is a powerful act of self-love.

In business:

It is important that you learn to tap into your own feelings about your professional relationships and the work that you do.  If you haven’t been doing this, you may have many imbalanced relationships that are undercompensating you, but are overly demanding.  Release the need to over perform for an employer or client as an act of proving yourself.  You have a right to balance your work and your life.  But you have to advocate for it.  Practice saying the phrase, “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Your brand and marketing recommendations:

• Communicate your process.
• Emphasize protocols for last minute requests, ect. in your agreements and verbally, as needed.
• Clearly communicate timelines so that you can process how you feel without duress.
• Lead with structure and boundaries.
  • Your copy can encourage your clients to do this as well in their venture.

Your best tools:

• Your intuition, especially pre-sale, professional boundaries (available times), scheduling systems.
• A coach, accountability partner or a therapist.
  
  • Therapy is recommended if this behavior started in childhood.
• Collaboration partners so that you only do what you’re good at and do not engage in “scope leak.”

Click here to book a free coaching call.

DISSOCIATIVE PEOPLE PLEASING (Type II)

• Controlled by perceived identities or roles and closest relationships
  ○       Good son/daughter.
  ○       Good Christian.
  ○       Good mother/father.
  ○       The “ride or die.”
  ○       The strong one.
  ○       The rescuer.
• Most dangerous of these is the role to be “better than” someone else significant in your life. (i.e. better than a parent that left, or better than someone who did a "bad" thing.)
• Can also be a form of escapism because the roles and identities take precedence over true connections and relationships.
• Aligned with low self-esteem codependent patterns of behavior.
  ○       “Need to be seen as right.” coda.org
• Second most common people-pleasing style, per our research.

Top Outcome:

Most recovering people pleasers will tell you that this style has played key roles in their people-pleasing behavior. This style begins with what we call the Martyr Model(c) and continues to form the more that the perceived roles are defined and demanded in their lives.

With this style, you may feel guilty at the thought of saying no to the people that you’ve been saying yes to for so long. Let the guilt guide you until you don’t feel guilty anymore. You can do what’s right for you…in fact, you have to if you want to live an abundant life.

In business:

You may feel the need to be a good person to your detriment.  Oftentimes, your desire for external validation supersedes your own needs and desires.  If you set the precedent that you will drop everything for your clients, regardless of your own obligations, these relationships will prove to be imbalanced and non-reciprocal.  Agreements are your friends.  Allow the documents to define your role in your professional relationships, not your idea of what it means to be “right.”

Your Brand and Marketing recommendations:

• Emphasizes your actual role.  What that means and what it doesn’t.
• Communicates your “no’s” clearly.
  • We/I do not, will not, cannot

Your best tools:

• Client agreements
• Your intuition
• Brand that communicates your ACTUAL role with clients, customers and organizations as well as your values.

Click here to book a free coaching call.

HYPER-TRANSACTIONAL PEOPLE PLEASING (Type IV)

• Giving to another to the point of dysfunction in hopes of a functional return on the effort made.
• Often seen in dysfunctional romantic and professional relationships; especially if managers and leaders display narcissistic behaviors, or dangle "carrots" in the form of promotion or more authority.
• Can be disguised as compassionate behavior, but is actually hyper-compassion.

Top Outcome:

So often we are told that we have standards that are too high. Over time, this judgment may cause us to think that we're being rigid or inflexible when it comes to our expectations of others, especially in romantic relationships.

This style of people pleasing can also be seen in the workplace. When leaders, managers or supervisors gaslight their team members with possible promotions or increased authority, predicated on the unspoken requirement that they do more, a hyper-transactional dynamic can emerge. When it comes to romantic relationships, sometimes we are so connected to a good (or not-so-good) person that we may disregard the moments when they are not good to us.

If this behavior becomes chronic, then we may, in hindsight, find that we gave many chances or passes to this individual despite their toxic and/or dysfunctional behavior. Bottom line: You have standards for a reason, and no one has the right to treat you anyway but well.

In business:

Beware of clients or customers that lead with demands or fail to pay, sign agreements or refuse to follow your company policy or procedures.  If this occurs, this may trigger you into people pleasing behaviors because you believe that if you begin to continue to give that they will see your value and reciprocate.  This is not the case.  Consider how safe you feel in this dynamic.  Do you feel valued?  Do you feel discarded?  If so, honor those feelings.  Communicate what you require to move forward and DO NOT KEEP working and hoping that they will do what you require.  It might feel “weird” to take this stance; however, overgiving will not make this situation better.  It will make it worse.

Your Brand and Marketing recommendation:

• Communicate policies and protocols.
• Uses video or audio media to create an onboarding protocol that must be reviewed.
• Explains the role of the customer and client in the professional relationship and the expectations of all parties involved.

Your best tools

• Client agreements
• Onboarding protocol
• Clearly communicated milestones.
• Branding that creates an avatar less likely to manipulate your tendencies against you. 
  • Marketing that targets the same.

Click here to book a free coaching call.

DELIMITED PEOPLE PLEASING Type V

• Defined as the fear of not being able to please others, so little to no action is taken.
• Also can be known as “analysis paralysis”.

Top Outcome:

They say, feel the fear and do it anyway. If this is your dominant people pleasing style, you probably are not surprised. You’re also probably not doing many things that excite you or that you want to do. People will always have opinions; however if their opinions are stopping you, then they have too much power. You may need the support of a mentor, coach or accountability partner, but this is a sign that it’s time to do the things…all the things!

In business:

You probably haven’t launched your business or you second guess the business you’re currently in.  You may need to seek out a coach or accountability partner of some kind to ensure that you can stay on task and on track, despite the overthinking and intrusive thoughts.  Remember that people are looking for authenticity.  With this People Pleasing Style, it is always tempting to do just enough or to do enough to not upset or anger anyone.  Doing this will dilute your ability to impact and empower others because instead of speaking from your full and favorite self’s perspective, you are cowering behind mediocre and middle or the road content and offers.  You are not for everyone.  Remember that it’s to your benefit to show up fully, give value, get clients and serve them well.

Your Brand and Marketing recommendations:

• Create a brand that requires little time from you.
• Batch content in those moments when you feel really good about what you do.
  
  • Faceless content is probably your friend because you can create it by showing the spaces and places where you are going to think things through.
• Create a cause that your audiences can align with.
  
  • Be sure that you care deeply about it, as well.
• Expand the brand in baby steps.
  
  • You want to give yourself the flexibility to change what you're doing as needed.

Your best tools:

• A coach, accountability partner or therapist.
• Brand strategist with experience in program development and content marketing.

Click here to book a free coaching call.