“Mess it up!”
These were the words of wisdom that Christian left for his family. In May 2018, Christian returned from serving in Iraq with the U.S. Marine Corps and spent two weeks with his family in Arkansas before he returned to Camp Pendleton, California. On these rare occasions that the family was all together, they sat and painted pictures over a glass of wine while catching up on the happenings of each other’s hectic lives including the hopes and wishes of things to come. The theme of the paintings this time was to encapsule a setting of either the city, the country, or perhaps a beach. Christian painted an interpretation of the city. When all were done, the paintings were revealed, and each artist described their work. When Christian’s turn came, he turned over a canvas that was dark in background with a myriad of dotted brush strokes in white, green, blue, and yellow. In the center of the canvas, the words (written in upper- and lower-case lettering with no specific font) “MeSs iT up” appeared. When asked to explain how this met his selected city theme, Christian simply said, “’Ya know, sometimes in life you can’t be afraid to mess it up and chase your dreams. It may not be pretty, but at least you weren’t afraid to try and maybe mess it up.” Then he laughed, and said, “Nah, just kidding; really, I just messed it up.”
Ever the jokester, Christian aspired to perform as a standup comedian after the Marine Corps and even performed a handful of open mic nights which demonstrated how easily he could be in front of others and speak about often taboo and difficult topics. Christian was also the person whom others sought for advice and consolation during their own dark moments in life and through the emotionally challenging times of high school and adolescence. Christian was, in his own way, an advocate for others – others who were bullied and others who were unrecognized for their accomplishments. One such instance occurred when Christian’s high school had a school-wide assembly to recognize those with academic accomplishments and were accepted to schools of higher education. Christian, as a class representative, stepped forth and voiced his belief that those who were being accepted to the military should also be recognized for their desire to serve because 14 years after 9-11, the criteria for acceptance into the military had grown quite stringent. The principal and staff listened and challenged Christian’s assertion, but ultimately, they acquiesced and held an assembly in honor and recognition of those soon to embark in service to their country.
On July 20, 2018, less than two months after Christian revealed his “Mess it up” message and while stationed at Camp Pendleton, he left this Earth as the result of suicide. There were no clues; there are no answers. There is only a void. Christian was a young man who was always smiling, and even if he was not smiling, he was sarcastically joking as would any quick-witted comedian.
After that dreadful day, I asked myself what was next for me. My identity was lost. Then, one day while thinking about Christian’s words “Mess it up,” I recalled a letter from my eighth-grade self to my current self. My letter asked what I was doing with my life, and in eighth grade, I wanted to be a fighter pilot or an attorney. I thought, “Well, I served in the Marines, and they flew me around, so I’ll just check off fighter pilot.” But, why had I not become an attorney? As a tenured detective working on a federal task force, I worked hand-in-hand with the Assistant U.S. Attorney’s office in Nevada, and with the specialized prosecutor’s units of the Clark County District Attorney’s office. I felt confident I could do what they did. So, in that moment, I decided to take Christian’s advice and go for it; so, what if I messed it up? At least I tried, and at least I would not let his words and his life be in vain.
For me, attending law school was a cash flow and student loan endeavor. I no longer had my GI Bill support, and even if I had, it most likely would have been fully depleted by undergraduate studies. Later, during my law school experience at UMKC, I met other veterans, and I became the president of the Military Veterans Law Association (MVLA). I found that many of the veterans were paying out-of-pocket for expenses and tuition, and most did not have full careers in the military that would offer any kind of retirement support. It is unfortunate that there are not more prior service members entering the study of law. I believe that the life experience that comes from serving is exceptional. Military service teaches how to be self-motivated and dedicated to a team and a cause. It teaches about diversity and overcoming barriers shaped in the form of financial status, race, and ethnic beliefs. I truly believe our legal community would be better served by having more veterans within it, and it is for that reason, I hope to establish this scholarship endowment in honor of my son, Christian Lee Honea, so that the UMKC School of Law can draw a diverse and talented group of veterans into our legal community. Thank you for your time and for your support, and don’t forget its okay sometimes to “Mess it up.”
Eric Honea, J.D. '22