Inevitably you will have given this decision a great deal of thought.  You may be feeling relieved that you have reached a decision, however, it is also normal to feel sadness and/or guilt about the impact the decision may have on your spouse and children. 

If you have any doubts, you may wish to consider couples counselling.  This process will help you and your spouse to explore whether the issues in your marriage can be resolved.

 If you are sure that the marriage is at an end, you may wish to consider;

• Couples counselling which can also be used to help you work through the reasons for the breakdown of your marriage in a safe environment.  In doing so, you are more likely to pave the way for a more amicable separation/post separation relationship.  This is particularly useful if you have children as your ties as parents will never be severed (more information on children coming up).
• Mediation if you require help resolving children and/or financial matters. Mediation is a voluntary process during which an impartial Family Mediator will help you to reach a set of outcomes.

For more information on couples counselling, have a look at Episode 1 of our Podcast Series, Confidante & Co, https://confidante.law/podcast-series/ and for more information on our mediation services, visit Family Mediation Service - Confidante

If your spouse’s decision to end the marriage is unexpected and/or unwelcome, it is likely that you will be feeling a lot of strong emotions such as hurt, sadness, betrayal and/or fear, particularly if the news is recent.

If your spouse is uncertain about the decision, you may wish to suggest couples counselling.  This process will help you and your spouse to explore whether the issues in your marriage can be resolved.  If they cannot, couples counselling can also be used to aid a more amicable separation. 

Ensuring that you have a good support network is a really important first step.  This could be family and friends or a professional (i.e. a counsellor/psychologist).  

If your spouse wishes to progress your separation/divorce, the more emotionally supported you feel, the better your judgement will be when it comes to making important decisions.  

Seeking early legal advice is also key. The more informed you are, the more in control you will feel.

For more information on couples counselling see Episode 1 of our Podcast Series, Confidante & Co, https://confidante.law/podcast-series/  and find out about local resources for emotional help for youself and your children on our Signposting Blog at https://confidante.law/resources/ 

Agreeing to part ways can still be a very difficult decision to reach.  You may differ as to the pace at which you wish to move through your separation/divorce and on other matters such as the children and separating the finances. 

It is important to start considering how best you can navigate the process.  If you are on good terms, it is sensible to start discussing the following to establish what you can agree and what requires further consideration;

• is a divorce or separation the appropriate next step;
• who will take the lead in the divorce process;
• when is it an appropriate time to issue proceedings and what reason will you use;
• what should happen in the immediate term (in terms of living arrangements and paying outgoings);
• do you agree to attend mediation;
• when and how will you tell the children (more information on the children coming up); and
• what should happen with the children in terms of their arrangements and costs.

Mediation is a voluntary process during which an impartial Family Mediator will help you to reach a set of outcomes.  For more information on our mediation services, visit Family Mediation Service - Confidante

As you have been married for 3 years or more, subject to the other legal requirements being met (see further questions for more on this), you can issue divorce proceedings.

It is not possible to issue divorce proceedings within the first 3 years of marriage unless there are exceptional circumstances.  If you believe that exceptional circumstances may apply in your case, please seek legal advice (although it shoud be noted that such circumstances are extremely rare). 

If you are within the first 3 years of marriage and exceptional circumstances do not apply, it may be advisable to enter into a Separation Agreement or issue Judicial Separation proceedings.  See our blog "What is a Separation Agreement and do I need one?" at https://confidante.law/resources/ for more details. 

Whatever your circumstances, please seek legal advice to better understand your options.

Please note that by continuing to complete the questions in this guide, it will help you to understand your options once you have been married for 3 years or more. 

If you have been married for at least 3 years and you and your spouse are domiciled in Jersey OR either of you has been habitually resident in Jersey for the last 12 months (or more), you can issue divorce proceedings (subject to the other legal requirements being met - see further questions for more information).

You are unable to issue divorce proceedings until you and your spouse are domiciled in Jersey OR either of you have been living in Jersey for 12 months preceding the date you wish to issue divorce proceedings.

If you or your spouse have been habitually resident in Jersey for almost 12 months, you may wish to consider issuing divorce proceedings at that point.  Alternatively, if meeting the residence/domicile criteria is some time away, you may wish to enter into a Separation Agreement or consider Judicial Separation proceedings. 

Whatever your circumstances, it is advisable to get legal advice. 

Whoever is issuing divorce proceedings will be required to submit the original (or certified copy) of the marriage certificate to the Judicial Greffe along with the divorce papers.  As you have the original marriage certificate, please keep this somewhere safe.

If the marriage certificate is not in English, you will need to get it translated.

If you only have a copy of the marriage certificate, you will need to apply for a certified copy of it.  This can usually be obtained from the Registry Office in the country you married. 

Whoever is issuing divorce proceedings will be required to submit the original (or certified copy) of marriage certificate to the Judicial Greffe along with the divorce papers.

If you wish to issue divorce proceedings and either your spouse is not prepared to hand the original marriage certificate to you, or you do not wish to alert your spouse to the fact that you intend to issue divorce proceedings, you will need to apply for a certified copy of the marriage certificate. This can usually be obtained from the Registry Office in the country you married.

If the marriage certificate is not in English, you will need to have it translated.

Whoever is issuing divorce proceedings will be required to submit the original (or certified copy) of marriage certificate to the Judicial Greffe along with the divorce papers.

If you wish to initiate the proceedings, you will need to apply for a certified copy of the marriage certificate which can usually be obtained from the Registry Office in the country you married.

If the marriage certificate is not in English, you will need to have it translated.

In order to use one of the separation grounds as a reason for divorce, you need to be separated for at least one year.    

If you have been married for 3 years, the residence/domicile requirements are met and  wish to issue divorce proceedings immediately (i.e. before the requisite separation period), you will need to consider one of the other reasons for divorce. 

If you have been married for 3 years, the residence/domicile requirements are met and you have been separated for more than 1 year, you could issue divorce proceedings using the ground “one year's separation”.  However, you will require your spouse’s consent. 

If your spouse is unwilling to provide their consent, you will need to consider another ground of divorce.

If you have been married for 3 years, the residence/domicile requirements are met and you have been separated for more than 2 years, you could issue divorce proceedings using the ground “two years’ separation”.  You do not require your spouse’s consent. 

If you have been married for 3 years, the residence/domicile requirements are met and you or your spouse has committed adultery, it is possible to use adultery as the ground of divorce (as long as the adultery has not been accepted).

The spouse who finds it intolerable to live with their husband/wife as a result of the adultery, will need to initiate the divorce proceedings.  The spouse issuing proceedings is known as the 'Petitioner' and the spouse in receipt of the proceedings is known as the 'Respondent'. 

The third party involved will also need to be named in the divorce petition as a party (known as the 'Co-Respondent') and served with the proceedings (hence their address is required).  It will be necessary to evidence the adultery if it is denied by either the Respondent or Co-Respondent. 

If you do not have an address for service for the Co-Respondent or proof of adultery is likely to be problematic, you may wish to consider issuing proceedings based on the ground of behaviour.  

This reason for divorce is not available to you. 

If you have been married for 3 years, the residence/domicile requirements are met and you consider that your spouse has behaved unreasonably, you may be able to issue divorce proceedings citing their behaviour as a reason for divorce.

More often than not, there has been a level of behaviour during the marraige which leads to the breakdown of the marriage.  Seek legal advice if you would like to know whether certain behaviour(s) are sufficient to proceed. 

If you are concerned that using your spouse's behaviour may be deemed to be a hostile approach (and therefore counter productive), seek legal advice to understand the various ways you can issue proceedings without increasing the temperature and getting off on the wrong footing.   

The advantange to using behaviour as a reason for divorce, is that parties can issue proceedings immediately and do not need to wait for a separation period to lapse.  This allows parties to move on with their lives more quickly and potentially more cost effectively (as they can avoid the cost of a Separation Agreement / Judicial Separation proceedings followed by divorce proceedings in due course). 

Seek legal advice.  You may find upon speaking to a lawyer that there has been a level of behaviour during the marriage which is sufficient to issue proceedings using this ground.

If you are sure the marrige is at an end, it is likley that the quickest and most cost effective route forward will be to issue divorce proceedings (subject to the legal requirements being met). 

It is worth considering Mediation which will allow you and your spouse to take ownership of the various decisions you will need to make.  For information on our mediation services see https://confidante.law/family-mediation/ 

For checklists, information and blogs on divorce - check out the Blogs and Resources page of our website here https://confidante.law/resources/

If you are not certan that the marriage is at an end you may wish to consider couples therapy and/or entering into a Separation Agreement (if you wish to record the arrangements in respect of the children and/or finances).

If you later decide that the marraige is at an end, the terms of the Separatin Agreement can be mirrored in an agreement in the context of divorce proceedings. 

See our blog "What is a Separation Agreement and do I need one?" at https://confidante.law/resources/ for more details. 

We highly recommend that you read resources which contain useful infomation as to how you can help your children. For example; 

• Delivering the news: telling them about the separation, ideally together, in a prepared, calm and child focused way can have a real impact on how your children respond to your separation.  
• Understanding concerning behaviours: educating yourself about behaviour to watch out for in your children once the news has landed and beyond, can ensure that you are ready to intervene quickly, if necessary.
• Co-parenting: this new dynamic is likely to be difficult to manage at a time when things are already highly emotional.  Educating yourself can really help.  Parents who properly understand the longer term detrimental impact a high conflict co-parenting relationship can have on their children, are less likley to expose their children to it.

See https://confidante.law/resources/ for guides, blogs, tools and information around helping children and co-parenting. 

Epiosde 3 of our Podcase Series, Confidante & Co offers invaluable advice from a divorce and parenting expert which is definitely worth a listen https://confidante.law/podcast-series/ 

We hope you found this tool useful. 

Please note that the information provided is for general information purposes only.  Whilst we aim to provide accurate and useful information, it does not constitute legal advice.

If you wish to find out more about the information provided or want to learn more about Confidante and the ways we may be able to help you, please do not hesitate to get in touch https://confidante.law/contact/ 

You can even schedule a complimentary 20 minute call at a time conveneint for you!