THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!
AVOID DESTRUCTIVE IMPULSES THROUGH PLANNING AND ROUTINE
This next section is about how you control destructive impulses.
This may feel like a strange conversation.
Because if you’re reading this, you’re most likely calm. And when we’re calm, and rational, we feel like we should always stay that way. Our “plan” is to remain calm. We say to ourselves—Okay…I’m in control right now. All I have to do is keep an eye on everything and stay in control.
This is NOT a good plan.
Why?
Because rational thought is hard to access in emotional situations. We often lose the ability to be reasonable when we need it most.
We all have buttons, our triggers, and our weakest moments. It is hard to avoid reactionary behavior, destructive impulses when facing these times. We may yell, say things we don’t mean, break things we value…or worse. We often find ourselves regretting our actions during these episodes.
And even if we control our behavior, manage not to be destructive, we still pay a huge price for these contained emotional explosions. We may not sleep, be on-edge, and obsess throughout the night. It can take weeks before our bodies begin the slow process of calming down from a highly triggered event.
So what should we do? We can we do when we can’t count on ourselves to think reasonably.
We should practice a well-rehearsed plan—a rational routine.
Because even though it is hard to access the reasonable part of our brains when we’re emotional, the routine and practiced component is still available. What we keep—even in highly emotional states—is the ability to access well-rehearsed behaviors and routines.
This is why people “practice” in anticipation of emotional situations.
Basketball players shoot free throws.
Soldiers drill.
Politicians rehearse speeches.
They do this so they can implement appropriate behavior in emotional situations without having to try to figure out how to behave in a heightened moment. This lets them stay in control of behavior; lets them return to a calmness faster. The earlier we intervene, the more effective our interventions.
This also let’s us prepare contingency plans unless our first options are effective or available.
I believe in these. I use them on daily basis.
Not only to keep myself calm but to appreciate my life more, to make the most of all of my experiences…even the difficult ones.
Let’s start by looking for triggers and warning signs.