Asexuality can sometimes be forgotten when we talk about sexual health, but asexual people have sexual health needs too!

Much like allosexuals, each asexual person and their experience of sex, arousal, desire, attraction, and relationships are unique. Here are 5 questions to get you thinking about asexuality and sexual health.

Asexuality (Ace) – a sexual orientation, identity and umbrella term used to describe people who typically experience little to no sexual attraction towards people of any gender.

Allosexuality – a term used to describe people who typically experience sexual attraction (the opposite end of the spectrum to asexuality). This includes people who are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual etc.

Aromanticism (Aro)- a romantic orientation, identity and umbrella term to describe people who typically experience little to no sexual attraction towards people of any gender.  

 

Yes! Not experiencing sexual attraction or having little/no interest in sex is perfectly normal. If this sounds like you, you might want to read up on asexuality to see if it is something you identify with (AVEN). It is normal to feel different, and this can be especially hard when it seems like everyone around you is talking and thinking about sex all the time! But know you are not alone, the way you feel is valid and there is a wonderful community of people out there who have similar experiences.

If asexuality does not seem like a good fit but you have little interest in sex that’s also okay. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable with your level of sexual desire and attraction. If you experience sexual attraction and low sexual desire is upsetting you, you can always have a chat to your GP about ways to help.

It is a common misconception that all asexual people do not have sex, but this is actually not true! While there are many asexual people who do not have sex there are also many that do. It is important to remember that there are many reasons people have sex, and not all of them are sexual attraction or desire. This means that even if an asexual person does not experience sexual attraction or has low desire, they may choose to have sex for a number of other equally valid reasons. It is also 100% valid not to have sex if it does not feel right for you. The most important thing is that you are doing what you want to and you feel safe and comfortable.

There are a few terms used in the asexual community to understand personal attitudes towards sex

• Sex-Favourable – the attitude of an asexual person who is open to or wants to engage in sexual activity

• Sex-Indifferent – the attitude of an asexual person who might (or might not) engage in sexual activity or compromise with sexual partners, but views it fairly neutrally

• Sex-Repulsed/Sex-Averse – the attitude of an asexual person who is not willing to have sex and may find it uncomfortable or distressing to think about and engage with

These terms are personal, exist on a spectrum and can shift with time, experiences or the type of sexual act being considered; or they may never shift at all. But they can provide a useful way to understand how asexual and allosexual people alike view sex.

If you identify as asexual and are thinking about having sex, be sure to check out WAAC resources on sexual health for more information on having safe and consensual sexual relationships. https://www.waac.com.au/

 Sex can be a very important part of relationships for a lot of people, and it may be required for some. But for many asexual and allosexual people, sex is not needed to have happy, fulfilling, and loving relationships. The way your relationships look and what you and your partner(s) choose to share can be communicated within the relationship and is entirely up to you!

Sexual intimacy is only one way to express closeness with people. Other types of intimacy include:

• Non-sexual physical intimacy – things like holding hands or cuddling

• Emotional intimacy – things like sharing feelings and emotional support

• Intellectual intimacy –anything that involves using your brains together, like learning a new language or talking about the plot of a movie

• Experiential intimacy – sharing experiences together, like visiting a new city

Relationships of any shape and size can be just as close and meaningful as those involving sexual intimacy through other forms of closeness and connection. You can choose whatever types of intimacy feel right to you.

For many people these things work in harmony and are tied together so tightly it is difficult to separate them. But when they feel different and don’t work together so easily (as they do for many asexual people!) it can be useful to understand each on their own. Here are some quick definitions:

• Sex drive – the arousal and physical sensations related to wanting sexual release, which may feel like a ‘need’ to engage in sexual activity.

• Sexual desire – a want to engage in sexual activity which may include thoughts or fantasies about sex.

• Sexual attraction – a want to engage in sexual activity with a particular person or type of people, or a feeling of being drawn to someone sexually.

Everyone will differ in how much they experience each of these things, and they can also change depending on the situation. The same goes for asexual people! It is fairly common for asexual people to experience little to no sexual attraction, but still experience sex drive or desire. This means they may experience a want for sexual activity, but this want isn’t directed to anyone in particular. Some asexual people may also feel they do not experience any of these things at all. All of this is valid and normal to experience.

They can! Here are some of the non-sexual types of attraction asexual and allosexual people may experience:

• Romantic attraction – having a crush, wanting a romantic relationship with someone, or to do romantic activities

• Platonic attraction – wanting a friendship or platonic partnership with someone

• Alterous attraction – wanting a relationship with someone which is not exactly romantic or platonic. This may be a relationship which kind of falls in between romantic and platonic or is something different entirely!

• Sensual attraction – wanting to interact with someone physically in a non-sexual way. This could include touching, hugging and kissing.

• Aesthetic attraction – being drawn to someone for the way they look, thinking someone is cute or hot based on their physical appearance.

• Emotional attraction – wanting to form an emotional bond with someone.

You might experience all, some or none of these types of attraction. You might also feel them in different strengths or towards different people/genders. However, some people may experience little to no romantic attraction and identify as aromantic. For more information on this check out the linked resources below.

The key takeaway is that everyone will have a different experience of attraction, whether it is the people they are attracted to or the types of attraction (if any!) they tend to feel.

As you can see, asexual sexual health and relationships can be complicated, but they are also very important. When engaging with sex (or not at all), it is most important that you understand and explore yourself, your needs, your boundaries and what is going to make you feel safe, happy and comfortable. Talking about this openly and honestly with your partner or partners is the best way to make sure everyone feels understood, fulfilled and secure.

Here is a list of additional resources chosen by the Our Place Youth Committee, that may help you understand a little more on the topic. 

 

https://www.asexuality.org/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/guide/the-coming-out-handbook/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/article/understanding-asexuality/

https://www.stonewall.org.uk/about-us/news/5-things-you-should-know-about-aromantic-people#:~:text=What%20does%20aro%20mean%3F,or%20interaction%20with%20an%20individual.

https://taaap.org/

https://www.aromanticism.org/

 

For General Sexual Health Resources & Information check out WAAC at https://www.waac.com.au/ 

or WAAC x Our place's collaboration at https://form.jotform.com/233284233431045

 

For more information on Our Place check out our socials!

https://www.instagram.com/ourplace.perth/

https://www.facebook.com/ourplace.perth

Proudly Supported by