Around nine years ago, my boyfriend (who's now my x husband) and me started to organise chem parties at our home. We had been going to quite a few already, in the Inland Empire and Las Vegas and abroad. Though they all shared the main ingredient (combining sex with a wide range of chems), we found out quickly that every party was quite different. The diversity of guests, the hosts, the ambiance, the setting, the music/videos etc…. Everything contributed to the vibe in the room, and every party had a different mix of these things. We had enough experience to know what we liked and what not. And enough responsibility to make safety our top priority.
Too often we witnessed people overdosing, people passing out or worse. So when we were planning on hosting these parties ourselves, we sat down and made a list of things we felt were important.
It's been nine years since we started this list, and we still use it when we host a chemsparty. It's proven to be very helpful and it helps create a safer and more relaxed vibe. Guests at our parties often say that the atmosphere is much better than most of the parties they usually go to. They feel welcome, they feel very visible and they feel safe.
I like to share it with you, because I sincerely think it contains a lot of things that can improve your chemsparties too:
We try to party with a group of people that share some fetishes, people that have matching do's and dont's.
1. The guest list
We choose the initial guest list with great care. It's mainly people we already know.
Friends, guys we met on other parties etc. Sometimes someone new is added, but then it's somebody that one of the guests already knows. We try to party with a group of people that share some fetishes, people that have matching do's and dont's. It's a ticket to drama when for instance there are guests who like to slam while other guests are principally against it, or that one guest who was so looking forward to a nice and vanilla sex night, floating on XTC, suddenly finds himself surrounded by rough fisters. If you know your guests, you can make sure this doesn't happen. We avoid conflicting characters. No drama, not in my house. This works good for us and for our guests, and another advantage is that the parties are always different.
2. Communication
We have a standard text message we send to the party guests a few days before the party. The text contains a welcome, a small what-to-expect, our house-rules and some addition info on parking/address/phone number etc. this is what we call our on boarding pass
When during the party an additional invitation is sent through Grindr or similar dating apps (only after approval from the hosts), this welcome text is also being sent to them through Signal app only. We never exchange this info on an anonymous dating app. If people don't wish to share at least their phone number, then they're not invited. We need some info on the people in our house. so if that being said, every guest must go through a identity procedure which will be done at your convenience prior to showing up if you’re not on the approved list of the Identity when you will not be allowed to stay.
We provide a wide range of drinks but at chemsparties we don't serve alcohol.
3. What chems?
Some drugs can bring out the worst in people, and some are simply too risky. We make it clear to our guests what chems make us feel uncomfortable and ask them not to bring them into our house.
We provide a wide range of drinks (water, different kinds of soda, energy drinks, fruit juice, tea, coffee) we also ask guest to bring a six pack or 12 pack of drinks anything except for alcohol is not permissible, but at chemsparties we don't serve alcohol. Alcohol and chems usually don't go together very well, so why take the risk?
We don't serve it, and the guests can't bring it. Period.
4. The setting
I transform our living room into a big playing area . We have multi coloured lights, a big screen with (pre-selected) porn and the right music. We make sure there's enough towels and lube. There's more than enough room for our guests, and we ask them to keep all the action inside the playing area. That means no people sneaking off for a one-on-one in one of the rooms or showers or restrooms or elsewhere.
If you go outside for a smoke you must go outside inthe front of the building, ask for the key fob so you could get back in and you must get dressed. We like to see you naked, but I'm sure our neighbours do not. The same goes for the noise. It might be funny when people are very vocal during sex, but I don't want to receive a textmessage from my upstairs neighbour asking me to tone it down a bit.
The bathroom and toilet have been properly supplied (paper, desinfectant soap, towels etc.) and can be used at all times by anyone. We ask people to keep it clean and tidy. if need be, there is an extra restroom and shower located outside of the room as you exit the door you make a right you straight ahead they restrooms on the right the shower is on the left. Please make sure you go alone one on one no two people at a time one person at a time only if you’re not back within 10 minutes, we will have somebody go and check up on you, but you must let someone know that you’re going to the restroom outside of the room, remember those restrooms are for the entire building and others need to use it so try to use the one inside the room
5. My house, my rules
People who attend our chemsparties are our guests, and I feel responsible for their wellbeing. That means that, while they are under my roof, they should follow a few rules we have, to make it as safe as possible. If they don't, I ask them to leave. It's as simple as that. I have been strict about this from the beginning and it works very well. Guests even say that because of this, they feel safer, they feel 'seen' and it creates a more relaxed atmosphere overall.
6. Safety rules
There are a couple of rules that we want the guests to know about before the party starts. These are all about safety, and non-negotiable. Breaking these rules usually means we ask you to leave:
Discretion
We are discreet, and ask the same of you. Don't take pictures or videos unless everybody on it is okay with it.
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NOTE: However we do have a film party once a month and I believe it’s on the fourth Saturday of the month by invitation only. the film party everybody must complete the guest form prior to arriving, which is form 100 and form 2257, which gives us clearance to use the videos if you wish to remain anonymous and wear mask, you may do so, but you must bring your own we do not supply them and you must keep it on all times. If you failed to leave it all during that time then it’s not our responsibility. We will not edit it out. It will be left as is if it’s called for, another words be prepared.
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Other than that all the rest of the parties are non-recordable non-filmable not allowed. So I ask you Don't send names or pictures of guests to guys on Grindr (or another dating app) without asking their permission first.
Don't send location or address to anyone on a dating app. This information should only be sent via signal app, and only after the host's green light.
The reason we use Signal app for communication is because this requires everyone giving their phone number. This is a way to be more confident you're dealing with a serious candidate. And in top of that, every person must go through the identity process. If you fail, you could have another chance to re-take the Identity process and after that if you fail, you will not be allowed. If you pass, you’ll know you pass we’re checking for your age your phone number and also if you’re on the most wanted list. There is NO Cost to You.
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Personal belongings
You are responsible for your own belongings. We do have a big safe, where you can put valuable things in if you want. we also have two additional small safes where you can’t set the combination and keep your wallets and keys inside if you wish those only two available those on the first come first serve basis and you get your own combination as you wish. Make sure you ask the host upon arrival if the safes are being occupied, you may wish to give your items they’ll be put in a sealed plastic envelope and place into the bigger safe for safekeeping with your name on the outside of it We usually are partying with 3 to 12 guys, and it is impossible for us to keep an eye on everybody all the time (I don't want to either). So it's up to you to make sure your stuff is safe somewhere.
Keep your chems in your bag
The only drug allowed in the play area will be the water bong or pipe. Whichever the host has determine to be tonight‘s course of action. That’s the only thing that will be allowed . Your chems are in your bag, and not spread out visibly on the counter. After you take some, they go back into your bag again. We check the area regularly, and all glasses with unspecified liquids are emptied in the sink by us, and without warning. It would be a waste if that was your GBL –oops-, but we don't want to take the risk of somebody wanting to wash down a pill and think that glass is filled with water.
The list is indispensable when things go seriously bad and we have to call for an ambulance. It contains all the info the hospital staff needs.
Chems list
The only drug allowed in the play area will be the water bong or pipe. Whichever the host has determine to be tonight‘s course of action. No drugs are allowed in the playing area. The hallway is the place where all things chems-related are taking place. It has enough light, you'll have a better focus there on what you're doing and there's no distraction. In the hallway in the room we also have a list with all the guests on it. On this list you must write down exactly what you take, the dose, how you take it (orally, slam, booty), and the time you take it. This goes for any chems, including viagra/kamagra which affects the blood pressure. This list is very important. When used properly, it prevents you from accidently overdosing, doing another round too soon or mixing up chems that don't go well together. It provides valuable information in case somebody is feeling unwell. Furthermore, the list is indispensable when things go seriously bad and we have to call for an ambulance. It contains all the info the hospital staff needs.
As hosts, we emphasize the importance of this list and regularly check if our guests wrote down what they took. So, we're not asking, we're telling you to use the list.
Slamming
If you want to slam, we expect you to know how to do it yourself and to be safe and sane. You write the necessary info on the list before you slam.
We have tissues, tourniquets, alcohol for desinfecting and a fully equipped first-aid kit, plus a special container in the kitchen for used syringes. No slamming is allowed in the play area, only in the hallway and bathroom only and Sharing syringes is a big no.
No locked doors
If you use the bathroom or the toilet, you put on the light and leave the door unlocked at all times. In case of an emergency the last thing we need is a locked door, and I would hate to break through a very expensive door just because you ignored the no-locks policy.
No extra invitations
No extra guests invitations during the night without clear approval from either me or my husband. If we are with a small group (up to 6 guys) we decide together. It's the best way to keep a good vibe. Especially when everybody is high as a kite, your ability to make judgement is decreasing which can result in awkward situations we can all do without. We've all been there.
Respect and consent
We are very openminded and our guests are too. Yet we are each individuals with our own boundaries. Therefor 'respect' and 'consent' are a must. No means no, and stop means stop so to make it very clear we use a safety word.
A safety word is a verbal cue that is established with a partner before sex. It is a signal to stop what is being done during sex, especially if it becomes too rough or involves bondage, dominance, or sadism. Safe words are typically used to avoid confusion, such as when someone might be screaming in pain but also want more. For example, “no” might actually mean “yes” but “red” means “stop
The safety word will always be “pineapple” meaning no means no, and stop means stop equals “pineapple”. Extensive use of chems can make your personal boundaries disappear, and you may end up doing things you'll regret tomorrow. Therefor, use chems safe and sane. A nice sexparty on chems is even nicer when you remember all of it the next day.
The wide availability of PrEP in the gay community makes barebacking (having sex without a condom) more common, especially so in the chemsparty scene. At our parties there's usually bareback sex. However, we don’t have condoms available, and we ask our guests to bring your own if you wish to use them and to respect it when somebody wishes to use them.
Looking after each other
As hosts, we participate in the party, just like everybody else. Besides that, we try to keep an eye on everything that's happening because we feel reponsible for your safety and wellbeing. We ask our guests to look after each other too. Shared responsibility adds to the safe and relaxed atmosphere we like to create and guests so often praise.
If, despite our efforts, we feel that a particular guest is not fitting in, causing other people to feel uncomfortable or unsafe, we –discretely- ask that person to leave.
If we feel that you are too high to travel alone, we invite you to stay and sleep for a while
7. Closing time
When we feel that the party has passed its height, we tell people that we'll wrap things up in about two hours (or sooner if necessary). This way people can keep it in mind when taking more chems, and slowly get ready for leaving. We want people to be at least sober enough to go home without getting in trouble.
Usually some people stay at our house for a couple of hours sleep. If we feel that you are too high to travel alone, we invite you to stay and sleep for a while. Unfortunately we can't force anyone, but one of the advantages of choosing your guests with care is that you know who you are inviting, and irresponsible behavior can be filtered out while making the guest list
We usually ask guests to share their 'live location' when they travel home by car, or text us upon arrival, so we know they got home safe. If we noticed that they have not gotten home with an in appeared of time which is normally 45 minutes to an hour will be forced to call the police to do a safety check on them at their location so remember to text us when you’re home safely so we won’t have an embarrassing moment of having the police to come by your house
"The list has proven to be very helpful and it helps create a safer and more relaxed vibe" When you look at all of the above, it may seem to be a bit of an overkill, possibly even with a negative effect on spontaneity and vibe.
I can assure you though, after hosting numerous chemsparties at our home, that the opposite is true. It contributes to a safe feeling. Guests know that they are in good and responsible hands, and it will be much easier for them to relax.
In all these years, we never had any problem, and people always like to come again. "You are very well organised", "I feel very much at home and welcome here", "I rarely see this kind of care anywhere at chemsparties, it makes me feel super safe!" are some of the things we get as feedback from our guests.
In the end we all look back to a very good party, and isn't that what it's all about?