Premarital Counseling Application

OUR VIEW ON MARRIAGE

Harvest Bible Chapel believes marriage is a monogamous, heterosexual union instituted and ordained by God (Genesis 2:18-25; Ephesians 5:22-33) As such, it is to be an exclusive covenantal union of one man and one woman for the purpose of a lifetime of mutual commitment and companionship.

INSTRUCTIONS

Take your time and answer each question as thoroughly as possible (you can write on the back if needed), then meet with your fiancé to share your answers.

SECTION ONE: Basic Information

Name

D.O.B.

Date

Cell phone

Home or work phone

Email address

example@example.com

Mailing address

Fiancés Name

Your current occupation

Do you attend Harvest Bible Chapel?

If yes how long

Date engaged

Date

Anticipated Wedding Date

Date

SECTION TWO: Your Relationship History

The past shapes all of us. Your past influences your behavior, your personality, your emotions, your opinions, and your convictions. You and your fiancé have probably not attempted to conceal your background from each other; however you may not have taken the time needed to adequately examine how your past may influence your future. One of the most underestimated influences on your new marriage is your family. When most couples marry today they assume that their marriage is between two people who want to become one. In reality, it is two people and two families that are coming together. You will leave your father and mother so that you can cleave and become one. However, as you will see in the years ahead, your family's impact on your new family must not be minimized, but rather understood and planned for.

1. What was your family’s socioeconomic background as you were growing up? What is it now?

2. How would you describe the emotional environment of the home you grew up in?

3. Did you experience any type of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual) as you grew up? Please explain.

4. What, if any, traumatic events or financial hardships did your family experience?

5. As you look back over your family history, do you see any patterns that have been passed from one generation to the next? (Example: one family might pass on a legacy of trusting God in tough circumstances, while another family might pass on a tendency toward turning to alcohol/drugs to numb their problems)

6. What words would you use to describe your parents’ marriage? Tell why you chose each descriptive word.

7. As parents, what did they do well?

Dad

Mom

8. As parents, what do you wish they would have done differently?

Dad

Mom

9. Describe the most significant impact your parents have had on you (positive or negative Dad).

Dad

Mom

10. What roles did your parents assume in the household (leader, provider, disciplinarian, etc.)?

11. How did they make decisions?

12. Choose 3-5 adjectives to describe your relationship with your father and tell why you chose them.

13. Choose 3-5 adjectives to describe your relationship with your mother and tell why you chose them.

14. In what ways are you similar to each of your parents?

15. In what ways are you different?

16. Are there any unresolved issues between you and your parents?

If yes, please explain.

17. Do you have your parents’ blessing on your engagement and future marriage?

Please explain your response.

18. Describe any special or significant relationships you have with other relatives, whether positive or negative (siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins).

Your Friendships and Past Dating Relationships

19. Who are your best friends besides your fiancé?

20. How do they influence your life today, whether positive or negative?

21. Who do you know best at Harvest (if anyone)?

22. Describe their influence in your life.

23. Describe a serious dating relationship from the past. Briefly state how it began, progressed, and ended.

24. Can you identify any patterns that seem to be present in your relationships with the opposite sex? (For example: “My tendency is to fall hard and fast, then get hurt,” or “I am generally the more committed one in a relationship.”)

If you have been previously married, please complete the following section:

25. How many times previously:

26. How long have you most recently been divorced/widowed?

27. Has your most recent spouse remarried?

28. If you are divorced, what were your reasons for divorcing?

29. Have you sought reconciliation with your former spouse? If so, how? If no, why not?

30. Have you discussed with a pastor or biblical counselor whether you are free to remarry from a biblical standpoint? What was their counsel, and your response to their counsel?

31. Give three reasons you are confident you have gotten over your previous marriage and are ready to marry again.

32. If you are unsure, explain why.

33. Do you have any children from this previous marriage? If so, what are their names and ages?

33. Do you have any children from this previous marriage?

If so, what are their names and ages?

If dependents, where will they live when you are married?

34. Is there a good working relationship for all parties concerned? Why or why not?

Your Current Relationship Story

35. When and how did you meet your fiancé?

36. What attracted you to him/her?

37. What are your shared hobbies and interests, if any?

38. How much quality time have you been able to spend together? What does that usually look like?

39. Why are you choosing to marry this person?

SECTION THREE: Your Spiritual Journey

40. Church(es) attended in childhood (if any)

41. If you do not attend Harvest, do you currently attend somewhere else?

Where

Pastors Name

Phone

Email

example@example.com

42. How many weekends do you attend church each month?

43. Are you in a small group or discipleship group?

If yes, who is your small group or discipleship group leader?

44. Do you serve at church?

If yes, in what ministry(ies) do you serve?

45. Describe your prayer life.

46. Finish this sentence: “The Bible is...

47. How frequently do you read the Bible?

48. Who is Jesus to you?

49. Have you come to the place in your spiritual life where you know for certain that you would go to heaven if you were to die?

50. Suppose you were to die today and God asked you: “Why should I let you into my heaven?” What would you say?

Personal Testimony

If applicable, please share with us how you received Christ:

BEFORE I received Christ I lived and thought this way

HOW I received Christ…

NOW, with Christ in my life, as I trust Him, I live and think this way…

51. Explain any recent changes in your religious life, if any:

52. If you have children, describe your spiritual relationship with them, and their other parent(s):

53. What part has Christ played in your relationship together? And, what part do you expect Him to play in your marriage?

SECTION FOUR: Moral Guidelines

As couples grow closer to each other emotionally and spiritually, a natural response is to move closer to each other physically. God intends this area of our lives to be enjoyed to the fullest, but within the context of marriage (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8). In fact, we devote an entire session of the course to
this topic. We understand that some of these questions may be sensitive, but please know that Harvest wants to best help you prepare for a God-honoring marriage. Your premarital teacher will be able to help talk through these questions with you.

54. Why do you think God would design sex to be enjoyed only within the context of marriage? Do you see any benefits to waiting?

55. Have you been sexually pure in your relationship together? Please explain:

56. What are your current intentions going forward?

Because the Scriptures are our authority and blueprint, and because of the powerful sexual pressures you may face, we will ask you at different times in the weeks ahead about how you are doing in this area. We sincerely want you to experience God’s protection and victory and build a strong foundation for your marriage.

57. How do you feel about this?

58. Are you currently living with your fiancé or planning to do so before your wedding date?

59. Are you willing to abstain from sexual intercourse until your marriage?

SECTION FIVE: Miscellaneous

60. What are your strengths and weaknesses in handling money?

61. What type of debt do you currently have (if any)? Approximately how much?

62. What types of health issues have you had in the past, or currently? (physical, mental, etc.)

63. What do you think are the top 2-3 issues currently in your relationship?

If yes, please explain:

64. Is there anything else we should know about you that has not been asked?

Many of these questions are adapted from Preparing for Marriage - Discover God's Plan for a Lifetime of Love, editor Dennis Rainey

PERSONAL HISTORY WORKSHEET