Know Your Adult Attachment Style Questionnaire

Know Your Adult Attachment Style Questionnaire

This attachment style quiz is meant as an educational tool, but is not meant as an official diagnosis or clinical assessment. For more clarification about your attachment, it is recommended to consult with a professional to do an attachment audit.
Name*
Email*
example@example.com

When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.?

This questionnaire is designed to be an interactive learning tool. Please take note of any statements that are particularly relevant to you or that you’d like to revisit for exploration at a later time. When responding, consider how strongly you identify with each statement. Using the scale below, select the most appropriate answer.

	Disagree	Sometimes Agree	Mostly Agree	Strongly Agree
1. I find it easy to flow between being close and connected with my partner to being on my own
2. I look at my partner with kindness and caring and look forward to our time together
3. It is a priority to keep agreements with my partner
4. I chronically second-guess myself and sometimes wish I had said something differently
5. I actively protect my partner from others and from harm and attempt to maintain safety in our relationship
6. I am comfortable being affectionate with my partner
7. I can keep secrets, protect my partner’s privacy, and respect boundaries
8. If my partner and I hit a glitch, it is relatively easy for me to apologize, brainstorm a win-win solution, or repair the mis-attunement or disharmony
9. I am always yearning for something or someone that I feel I cannot have and rarely feeling satisfied
10. Sometimes, I over-function, over-adapt, over-accommodate others, or over-apologize for things I didn’t do, in an attempt to stabilize connection
11. People are essentially good at heart
11. I attempt to discover and meet the needs of my partner whenever possible and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs
13. At the same time as I feel a deep wish to be close with my partner, I also have a paralyzing fear of losing the relationship
14. When I give more than I get, I often resent this and harbor a grudge. It is often difficult to receive love from my partner when they express it
15. I feel relaxed with my partner most of the time
16. Over-focusing on others, I tend to lose myself in relationships
17. It is difficult for me to say NO or to set realistic boundaries
18. I find myself minimizing the importance of close relationships in my life
19. It is difficult for me to be alone. If alone, I feel stressed, abandoned, hurt, and/or angry
20. I often tend to “merge” or lose myself in my partner and feel what they feel, or want what they want
21. I often find eye contact uncomfortable and particularly difficult to maintain
22. When my partner arrives home or approaches me, I feel inexplicably stressed – especially when he or she wants to connect
23. I sometimes feel superior in not needing others and wish others were more self-sufficient
24. I insist on self-reliance; I have difficulty reaching out when I need help, and I do many of life’s tasks or my hobbies, alone
25. I feel like my partner is always there but would often prefer to have my own space unless I invite the connection
36. I have an exaggerated startle response when others approach me unexpectedly
17. I want to be close with my partner but feel angry at my partner at the same time. After anxiously awaiting my partner's arrival, I end up picking fights
28. When I reach a certain level of intimacy with my partner, I sometimes experience inexplicable fear
29. I usually prefer relationships with things or animals instead of people
30. I often expect the worst to happen in my relationship
31. When presented with problems, I often feel stumped and feel they are irresolvable
32. Because I am easily confused or disoriented, especially when stressed, it is important for my partner to keep arrangements simple and clear
33. Protection often feels out of reach. I struggle to feel safe with my partner
34. Sometimes I prefer casual sex instead of a committed relationship
35. My partner often comments or complains that I am controlling
36. I have a hard time remembering and discussing the feelings related to my past attachment situations. I disconnect, dissociate, or get confused
37. Stuck in approach-avoidance patterns with my partner, I want closeness but am also afraid of the one I desire to be close with
38. When I lose a relationship, at first I might experience separation elation and then become depressed
39. It is easier for me to think things through than to express myself emotionally
40. My instinctive, active self-protective responses are often unavailable when possible danger is present – leaving me feeling immobilized, disconnected, or “gone”

Secure Section Total
Anxious / Ambivalent Section Total
Avoidant / Dismissive Section Total
Disorganized / Disoriented Section Total
Should be Empty: