The Partnership Potential Assessment

1
Do I have self-acceptance?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Self-Talk Pattern: Do you speak to yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend, or is your inner dialogue harsh and critical? Notice whether you berate yourself for mistakes or respond with understanding. Emotional Awareness: Can you acknowledge difficult emotions like sadness, anger, or fear without trying to suppress them or feeling ashamed for having them? Observe whether you allow yourself to experience the full range of human emotions. Comfort with Vulnerability: Are you able to admit mistakes and imperfections without excessive shame? Notice if you can say "I was wrong" or "I'm struggling with this" without feeling your worth is diminished. Response to Compliments: Can you receive positive feedback graciously rather than deflecting or dismissing it? Pay attention to whether you minimize your achievements or positive qualities. Ability to Set Boundaries: Do you feel entitled to have needs and express them? Notice if you can establish healthy limits without excessive guilt or apologizing. Comfort with Different Parts of Yourself: Can you acknowledge aspects of your personality that don't fit your ideal self-image? Observe whether you try to hide certain traits or if you can integrate them into your complete self-understanding. Balanced Self-View: Do you have a realistic assessment of both strengths and weaknesses without minimizing either? Notice if you can acknowledge areas for growth without harsh self-judgment. Physical Self-Acceptance: What's your relationship with your body and appearance? Consider whether you can appreciate your physical self without excessive criticism or fixation on "flaws."
Yes, I have self-acceptance
No, I could be much better at this
Unsure / Somewhat
2
Do I have good self-worth?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Receiving Love: Do you feel comfortable when others express love and affection toward you, or do you feel suspicious, undeserving, or that they must want something in return? Notice if you can accept caring gestures without questioning whether you deserve them. Comfort with Success: When good things happen to you, do you feel you deserve them or that you're waiting for the other shoe to drop? Observe if you can celebrate achievements without downplaying them or expecting negative consequences to balance them out. Self Advocacy & Boundaries: How comfortable are you speaking up for your needs, interests, and desires? Are you able to establish and maintain healthy boundaries without excessive guilt? Notice if you can say "no" when necessary and communicate your needs without feeling selfish, demanding, or guilty. Comfort with Happiness: Can you fully embrace joyful moments without anxiety that happiness will be snatched away? Pay attention to whether you allow yourself to be present in positive experiences. Relationship Standards: You choose partners who treat you well and expect respectful treatment, rather than tolerating mistreatment or believing you don't deserve better.
Yes, I have good self-worth
No, I don't have good self-worth
Unsure / Somewhat
3
Am I autonomous?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Emotional Self-Reliance: Do you have the capacity to manage your own emotional state, or do you consistently rely on your partner to make you feel better? Notice if you take responsibility for your own happiness rather than expecting your partner to "fix" your negative emotions (e.g. When I feel upset, my first instinct is to process my emotions on my own before discussing them with my partner. / I can calm myself down when feeling anxious or stressed without needing immediate reassurance from my partner. /I pursue activities and friendships that bring me joy independent of my relationship.) Source of Validation: Where do you get your sense of worth—from within yourself or primarily from external sources? Observe whether your self-esteem fluctuates dramatically based on external feedback (compliments, achievements, social media validation, attention from others, or how your partner treats you), or if you maintain a relatively stable sense of worth regardless of external circumstances. Notice if you regularly seek reassurance through constant comparison, fishing for compliments, attention, or needing frequent affirmation from others or your partner. Response to Partner's Independence: How do you react when your partner focuses on their own interests, friends, or needs? Notice if you feel threatened by their independence or if you can genuinely support their separate pursuits without taking it personally or feeling neglected. Conflict Interpretation: When disagreements occur, do you see them as normal relationship dynamics or as indications of rejection or that this partner/relationship must not be "the one"? Observe whether minor conflicts trigger deep insecurity about being loved / being abandoned or if you can address issues without questioning the entire relationship. Personal Identity: Do you maintain your own opinions, interests, and friendships separate from your relationship? Pay attention to whether you've preserved your individual identity or if you've become defined primarily through your relationship.
Yes, I am autonomous
No
Unsure / Somewhat
4
Do I have good self-connection?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Emotional Awareness: Can you identify and name your emotions as they arise, or do you often feel confused about what you're feeling? Notice whether you can distinguish between different emotional states (e.g., differentiating anxiety from excitement, or irritation from deeper anger) or if your feelings remain vague and undefined. Relationship with Difficult Emotions: How do you respond when uncomfortable feelings arise? Observe if you tend to distract yourself, numb out, or intellectualize feelings rather than experiencing them directly. Pay attention to whether you can stay present with difficult emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Self-Knowledge of Patterns: Do you understand your own triggers, reactions, and behavior patterns? Notice if you can identify what prompts specific responses in you and recognize recurring themes in your relationships, or if you feel surprised by your own reactions without understanding their origins. Needs Awareness: How clearly can you identify what you truly need in different situations? Observe whether you can distinguish between surface wants and deeper needs, and whether you have effective strategies for meeting those needs in healthy ways. Integration of Different Parts: Can you acknowledge conflicting aspects of yourself without rejecting them? Pay attention to whether you can embrace contradictory feelings (like simultaneously wanting closeness and space) or if you tend to disown parts of yourself that don't fit your preferred self-image.
Yes, I have good self-connection
No, I am more disconnected from self
Unsure / Somewhat
5
Am I able & willing to self-disclose (aka be vulnerable)?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Comfort with Vulnerability: How freely can you share feelings, desires, longings, fantasies, judgments, and vulnerabilities with a partner? Notice whether you instinctively hide certain things or if you can express vulnerability without excessive shame, fear of judgment, or fear of rejection / abandonment. Sharing Inner Experience: Do you regularly communicate what you see in your partner, how he/she affects you, the feelings and thoughts your partner inspires in you, the meaning they have for you? Observe whether you express what you're truly thinking and feeling or if you filter heavily, sharing only what feels "safe". Disclosure Across Domains: Is your openness limited to certain topics while others remain off-limits? Pay attention to whether you can discuss various aspects of yourself—including dreams, fears, sexual desires, past mistakes, and current struggles—or if certain areas remain consistently walled off. Authenticity Alignment: Is there congruence between your inner experience and outer expression? Observe whether you present a carefully curated image to partners or if you allow them to see the unfiltered version of yourself, including the messy, imperfect aspects of who you are.
Yes, I am able & willing to self-disclose
No, I prefer to keep things to myself
Unsure / Somewhat
6
Do I have good self-concept?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Behavioral Consistency: Is there alignment between how you view yourself and how you actually behave? Notice if your words/actions generally match the person you believe yourself to be. For example, if you consider yourself generous but rarely help others when they need it, or think of yourself as a good listener but frequently interrupt others, there may be a gap between your self-concept and reality. Conversely, if you see yourself as patient and regularly remain calm in frustrating situations, your self-concept and behavior are likely aligned. Realistic Self-Assessment: Can you recognize the underlying patterns, triggers, and motivations that drive your behavior? Notice if you understand your psychological "blind spots," defense mechanisms, and emotional triggers, or if you tend to project your unresolved issues onto others. For example, if you can identify when your strong reaction to a perceived criticism stems from childhood experiences rather than blaming others for being "too harsh,"; or if you recognize when fear of abandonment is driving clingy behavior rather than claiming your partner is "inconsiderate & distant," you're demonstrating psychological self-awareness. Feedback Alignment: How closely does feedback from trusted others match your self-perception? Pay attention to whether you're frequently surprised by how others describe you or if there's general consistency between their observations and your self-understanding. Decision Congruence: Do your choices reflect a clear alignment of your values, preferences, and needs? Notice if you make decisions that consistently lead to satisfaction or if you often find yourself in situations that don't align with who you truly are.
Yes, I have good self-concept
No, I don't have the best self-concept
Unsure / Somewhat
7
Do I have an adult understanding of selfish love?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Expanded Self-Interest: Have you expanded your concept of self-interest to include your partner's wellbeing and happiness? Notice whether you view their happiness as directly connected to your own fulfillment rather than separate from it—not just being happy for them, but feeling their happiness and wellbeing as an extension of your own best interests. Personal Investment in Partner's Success: Do you experience a personal stake in your partner's achievements and success? Observe whether you're genuinely invested in their success as something valuable to you personally, not just as something you support out of obligation or kindness. Notice whether you feel genuine pleasure when good things happen for them or if you experience envy, comparison, fear or a sense that their gain somehow diminishes you. Perspective on Partner's Needs: How do you view attending to your partner's desires and needs? Do you readily take concrete actions to support your partner's wellbeing and needs? Observe whether you willingly invest your resources (time, money, energy, attention) to help them thrive—perhaps by rearranging your schedule to support their important event, contributing financially to their aspirations, providing emotional support during their challenges, or actively helping them pursue opportunities. Notice if these supportive behaviors come naturally rather than feeling like sacrifices, burdens, or obligations. Relationship as Self-Expansion: Do you see your relationship as a vehicle for your own growth and self-discovery? Notice if you appreciate how your partner helps you discover new dimensions of yourself, or if you resist the personal growth challenges that arise through intimacy. Balance of Interests: How do you handle situations where your immediate desires conflict with your partner's wellbeing? Observe whether you can make choices that honor both your own needs and your partner's best interests, recognizing that these are ultimately interconnected rather than opposed.
Yes, my partner's payoffs are my payoffs
No, I believe love should be selfless and I need to sacrifice
Unsure / Somewhat
8
Am I able to nurture another?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Acceptance vs. Fixing: Can you accept your partner as they are rather than seeing them as a project to improve? Notice whether you frequently try to change or "fix" aspects of your partner, or if you can appreciate them as they are while still believing in their potential for growth on their own terms. Support Without Control: How do you respond to your partner's growth and self-development? Observe whether you can genuinely support their evolution without needing to direct it, allowing them to follow their own path even when it differs from what you might choose for them. Balanced Attentiveness: Are you genuinely present for your partner's emotional and practical needs while maintaining healthy boundaries? Notice whether you make space to really listen and understand what they're experiencing rather than being distracted, dismissive, or assuming you already know what they need. At the same time, observe if you can provide meeting needs without self-sacrificing or self-betraying—maintaining the balance between caring deeply for them and honoring your own needs and limitations. Intimate Engagement: Do you genuinely care about and want to know your partner's inner world? Notice whether you find yourself naturally curious about their thoughts, feelings, and desires, actively seeking to understand their experiences on a deep intimate level. Observe if you create a space where they feel safe to share vulnerably, not just because you avoid judgment, but because you demonstrate authentic interest in and care for what is alive in them. Balance of Support: Can you recognize both strength and vulnerability in your partner? Observe whether you can provide comfort during difficult times without becoming overprotective, and offer encouragement without pushing them beyond their boundaries—honoring both their resilience and their limits.
Yes, I am able to nurture another
No, it's too much of a struggle
Unsure / Somewhat
9
Do I have a desire (& the ability) to truly see my partner?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Active Curiosity: Do you maintain genuine interest in discovering new dimensions of your partner? Notice whether you ask open-ended questions about their thoughts and experiences, or if conversations have become routine and predictable because you assume you already know what they'll say. Realistic Perception: Can you see both your partner's strengths and limitations clearly? Observe whether you've created an idealized version of them that ignores their flaws, or conversely, if you focus primarily on their shortcomings while overlooking their positive qualities. Recognition of Growth: Do you acknowledge that your partner is constantly evolving? Pay attention to whether you're intrigued by new aspects of them and would love to know more or if you've mentally fixed them as unchanging, perhaps still viewing them as the person they were when you first met. Attentive Listening: How deeply do you listen when your partner shares their thoughts and feelings? Notice if you're fully present during conversations, asking follow-up questions and seeking to understand their perspective, or if you frequently interrupt, mentally rehearse your response, or dismiss their viewpoint. Growth Facilitation: Do you create space for your partner to expand and evolve? Observe whether you encourage their exploration of new interests and perspectives, or if you subtly resist changes that might disrupt your established patterns or challenge your understanding of who they are.
Yes, I want to keep learning & going deeper to truly see / know / understand them
No, I'm not interested in that
Unsure / Somewhat
10
Does excitement exist within me?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Energy Awareness: Do you feel an inner vitality that's available for engaging with life? Notice whether you generally experience a sense of aliveness, excitement, curiosity, and energy for responding to situations, or if you frequently feel emotionally flat, depleted, or going through the motions. Fresh Perception: Can you experience familiar things with a sense of newness? Observe whether you notice details, find interest in everyday experiences, and maintain wonder about the world, or if life has become a series of automatic responses and deadened perceptions. Openness to Novelty: How do you respond to new or unexpected experiences? Pay attention to whether you welcome deviations from routine and find them stimulating, or if you resist changes and prefer the safety of the predictable and known. Emotional Expression: Are you comfortable feeling and expressing enthusiasm and joy? Notice if you allow yourself to experience and show excitement without restraint, or if you tend to subdue, intellectualize, or feel embarrassed by your own passionate responses. Passion Beliefs: What do you believe about passion over time? Observe whether you've accepted the cultural narrative that passion inevitably diminishes in relationships, or if you actively cultivate freshness and maintain the belief that excitement can be sustained through conscious attention.
Yes, I am excited & curious about life! I can freely express joy / enthusiasm. I believe that I can stoke the flames of passion.
No, I frequently frequently feel emotionally flat, depleted, or going through the motions. I prefer predictable / known. I tend to subdue emotional expression of joy / enthusiasm. I believe passion is either there or it's not, and it tends to die out.
Unsure / Somewhat
11
Do I view the success of a relationship as important as other areas of my life?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Time Allocation: How do you distribute your limited time between various life domains? Notice whether your relationship receives protected time in your schedule comparable to work and other priorities, or if it consistently gets whatever time happens to be left over after everything else. Energy Investment: Where do you direct your best mental and emotional energy? Observe whether you bring your full presence and engagement to your relationship, or if you typically give your partner your depleted attention after investing your best self elsewhere. Conscious Cultivation: Do you actively nurture your relationship or expect it to maintain itself? Pay attention to whether you make deliberate efforts to strengthen your connection through quality time, meaningful conversations, and shared experiences, or if you assume your relationship will thrive without specific attention. Attention to Bids: Do you frequently turn towards their bids (little moments where a partner was trying to get attention, affection, conversation, support, etc. aka moments of connection) and engage with them? Or do you ignore them or get angry that they "interrupted" you? Boundary Protection: How do you handle competing demands for your attention? Notice if you establish boundaries that protect your relationship from unnecessary intrusions (excessive work, social media, other relationships), or if your connection is the first thing sacrificed when life gets busy. Crisis Response: What receives immediate attention when difficulties arise? Observe whether relationship challenges are addressed with the same urgency as work crises or other priorities, or if they're consistently placed on the back burner to be dealt with "when there's time."
Yes, it's equally important to me.
No, it's not as important as my job / other life obligations / other interests.
Unsure / Somewhat
12
Am I in a position/point of my life to have a relationship & love?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Life Stability: Is your life sufficiently stable to incorporate a relationship? Notice whether your basic needs are met and major life transitions are managed, or if you're currently navigating significant upheaval (career changes, moves, health issues, financial crises) that would make it difficult to give a relationship the attention it requires. Emotional Maturity: Have you developed sufficient self-awareness and emotional capacity for intimacy? Observe whether you can identify and regulate your emotions, take responsibility for your reactions rather than blaming others, and remain open during challenging conversations. Notice if you're willing to be vulnerable rather than protected, able to express needs clearly rather than expecting others to read your mind, and capable of staying present with difficult feelings rather than shutting down or becoming reactive. Pay attention to whether fear (of rejection, abandonment, engulfment, or loss) controls your relationship behaviors or if you can move toward connection despite natural anxieties. Self-Development: Have you developed the emotional and relational skills necessary for communicating and conflict resolution? Pay attention to whether you've cultivated self-awareness, communication abilities, and conflict resolution skills that would support a relationship, or if these areas still require significant development. Relationship Desire: Do you genuinely want a relationship for its own sake / as a way to share from a place of fullness? Notice whether you desire partnership from an authentic place rather than from external pressure ("You should be married by now"), loneliness, or the belief that a relationship will fix your problems. Time and Energy Reality: Can you realistically make space for love in your current life? Do you have the mental & emotional capacity? Assess whether your existing commitments (work, family, education, other passions) and self-development stage allow room for the time and emotional energy that nurturing a relationship requires, or if adding a relationship would create unsustainable pressure.
Yes, I am ready, willing, and in a position to have a relationship.
No, there's still more I want to do alone / I'm not ready.
Unsure / Somewhat
13
Do I use sex as an expression and celebration of love?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Integration of Love and Desire: Is your sexual desire connected to your emotional feelings? Notice whether your sexual attraction and emotional attachment naturally reinforce each other, or if you experience them as separate or even conflicting aspects of your relationship — finding that love "gets in the way" of sexual pleasure. Authentic Expression: Do you approach intimacy as a genuine expression of your loving feelings? Observe whether sex arises naturally from your desire to connect with your partner, creating moments where physical pleasure and emotional connection enhance each other. While recognizing that sex and love are distinct experiences that don't always need to occur together, notice whether your most profound and meaningful sexual experiences tend to happen when they're expressions of deeper feelings rather than merely physical encounters. Mind-Body Integration: Do you experience unity between your mental and physical attraction? Notice whether your passion for your partner flows naturally from both physical desire and intellectual/emotional admiration, creating a cohesive whole-person experience. Pay attention to whether your mind and body are aligned in your attraction—where the qualities you admire mentally enhance your physical desire, and your physical attraction is deepened by your respect and appreciation for who they are as a person. Observe if you would find it difficult to maintain sexual interest in someone you couldn't also admire intellectually and emotionally, recognizing that mature love integrates these dimensions rather than compartmentalizing them. Motivational Awareness: What drives your sexual encounters? Reflect on whether your intimate moments are motivated by celebration, pleasure, and connection, or if they're primarily driven by insecurity, a way to prove your worth, fear of rejection, attempts to secure commitment, compensate for emotional gaps in the relationship, or managing your partner's emotions. Mutual Recognition: Do you experience sex as a powerful acknowledgment of each other's value? Consider whether sexual intimacy feels like a mutual celebration and affirmation of your connection that leaves you feeling closer and more deeply bonded. Notice if intimacy consistently enhances your sense of connection, or if it frequently leaves you feeling emotionally unchanged—where physical needs may have been met but with no meaningful impact on your closeness. Pay attention to whether sex strengthens your relationship or if it becomes merely a physical activity that could happen with anyone, or worse, leaves you feeling used, disconnected, or somehow diminished rather than valued.
Yes, sex deepens emotional intimacy for me.
No, emotions get in the way of the pleasure I am able to experience / I am emotionally unchanged by intimacy, it's just fun / I compartmentalize love and sex.
Unsure / Somewhat
14
Am I willing to create a private universe with a partner?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Emotional Investment: Are you open to developing deep emotional intimacy? Notice whether you're comfortable sharing your inner world and creating a space where vulnerability is not only safe but valued, or if you tend to keep conversations at surface levels, maintain strict emotional boundaries, and/or withdraw emotionally. Shared Language Development: Do you naturally create couple-specific ways of relating? Observe whether you enjoy developing inside jokes, special terms, and shorthand communication that reflects your unique connection, or if you resist these relationship-specific forms of intimacy / do them with others. Sacred Space Protection: Do you maintain appropriate privacy and exclusivity in your relationship? Notice whether you naturally protect intimate details, conversations, and special moments as sacred between the two of you, or if you tend to share private aspects of your relationship with others. Observe if you reserve certain experiences, places, rituals, or activities exclusively for your partner rather than duplicating with others, and whether you understand the importance of having aspects of your relationship that belong only to the two of you. Pay attention to your ability to create and maintain boundaries that preserve the intimate nature of your connection rather than diluting it through excessive sharing , inclusion or duplication with others. Life Integration: How do you balance individuality and togetherness? Notice if you're open to meaningful integration of your lives—introducing your partner to important people, including them in significant events, and making space for them in your future planning—or if you maintain rigid separation between "my life" and "our life." Adaptability & Commitment: Are you willing to adjust, evolve, and sustain your connection through challenges? Observe whether you can make accommodations for the growth of your relationship without feeling threatened, and if you demonstrate commitment to maintaining your special shared world even during difficult times. Notice your response when external pressures (work stress, family demands, health issues) challenge your connection—do you work to preserve and protect your unique bond, recognizing that it requires ongoing nurturing especially during adversity, or do you allow external circumstances to erode the private universe you've built together?
Yes, I am willing to create, protect, and maintain a private universe with a partner.
No, I don't like exclusivity like this.
Unsure / Somewhat
15
Do I possess the ability to see the whole picture?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Emotional Perspective: Can you recognize that fluctuating feelings are normal in relationships? Notice whether you understand that temporary negative emotions don't define your relationship's value / mean it should end, or if you tend to question the entire relationship or partner when experiencing difficult feelings. Partner Perception Consistency: Do you maintain a stable view of your partner over time? Observe whether you can remember your partner's positive qualities even during conflicts, or if you tend to reduce them to their most recent behavior / conversation, forgetting their history when they've disappointed you. Staying Power: Can you see past momentary feelings to recognize the fundamental value of your partner and relationship? Notice whether you've developed the emotional maturity to see past immediate feelings and to recognize the value of your relationship. Observe if your value recognition is rooted in deeper elements—such as genuine admiration, shared purpose, and how you complement each other—rather than contingent on recent behaviors or current emotions. Pay attention to whether you can maintain this core recognition during difficult times, allowing you to work through challenges not based on fear of losing what you've built / already invested, but on a genuine understanding of the relationship & partner's inherent worth and meaning in your life.
Yes, I can maintain a larger deeper perspective and I have staying power.
No. It's hard to see past current events in spite of our history / I'm quick to leave or threaten leaving.
Unsure / Somewhat
16
Do I know how to self-regulate / self-soothe?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Emotional Processing: Can you experience feelings fully without becoming overwhelmed by them? Notice whether you can acknowledge and work through difficult emotions like anger, sadness, or fear without immediately suppressing them or acting them out impulsively. Personal Responsibility: Do you take ownership of your emotional wellbeing? Observe whether you recognize your primary role in managing your emotional states, or if you habitually make your partner responsible for fixing your feelings or blame them for causing all your distress. Healthy Coping Strategies: What tools do you use to soothe yourself during distress? Pay attention to whether you have developed effective methods for calming your nervous system (like deep breathing, physical activity, journaling, or mindfulness), or if you rely on unhealthy mechanisms like substance use, excessive spending, eating, sex, codependency (aka the partner needs to fix your ok-ness), or other behaviors that are distracting you from processing feelings and giving your nervous system what it needs. Support-Seeking Discernment: Can you navigate interdependence? Notice whether you can both maintain appropriate emotional self-responsibility AND allow yourself to accept/seek support. Observe if you avoid the extremes of either excessive dependency (making your partner responsible for your emotional regulation - your ok-ness / happiness) or rigid self-sufficiency (never allowing yourself to receive support due to unworthiness beliefs or past disappointments). Pay attention to whether you can recognize when reaching out would be healthy and can do so without shame, while also maintaining your fundamental emotional self-management. This balance reflects the understanding that emotional maturity involves both self-reliance and the capacity to be appropriately seek support. Recovery Timeframe: How long does it take you to return to emotional equilibrium? Observe whether you can move through difficult feelings in a reasonable timeframe, or if you tend to remain dysregulated for extended periods, unable to shift out of emotional reactivity without external intervention.
Yes, I have healthy ways to calm my mind and body when triggered.
No, it's hard for me.
Unsure / Somewhat
17
Can I tolerate temporary discord, frustration, & alienation?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Normalization of Difficulties: Do you understand that conflicts and challenging periods are inevitable in relationships? Notice whether you view disagreements and disconnections as normal aspects of relationships, or if you interpret them as signs that something is fundamentally flawed or wrong. Emotional Regulation: Can you maintain emotional equilibrium during relationship stress? Observe whether you can experience frustration, disappointment, or hurt without becoming overwhelmed or reactive, maintaining your ability to think clearly even when emotions are intense. Perspective Maintenance: How quickly do you catastrophize relationship problems? Pay attention to whether conflicts escalate in your mind to relationship-ending proportions, or if you can keep difficulties in proper perspective relative to the overall health of your connection. Recovery and Persistence: How well do you navigate relationship challenges? Notice your ability to not only bounce back from disagreements (aka repair) but also to patiently work through extended difficult phases without giving up. Observe whether you have the emotional stamina to remain engaged during periods when resolution isn't immediate, showing commitment to the process of working through issues rather than expecting instant solutions. Pay attention to your capacity to maintain connection and goodwill even when facing challenges that require sustained effort and time to resolve completely. Growth Orientation: Do you view challenges as opportunities rather than threats? Observe whether you can approach difficulties with curiosity about what might be learned, or if you primarily experience them as painful events to be avoided at all costs.
Yes, I can tolerate emotional discomfort and have the patience to work through difficulties.
No. Discord, frustration, alienation, and/or distressing conflicts make me doubt the relationship and if this person is really "the one".
Unsure / Somewhat
18
Am I able to handle conflicts in a mature way (ability to communicate & repair)?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Communication Authenticity: Can you express your true feelings and needs during disagreements? Notice whether you communicate from your genuine experience (feelings, needs, etc.) rather than launching into criticism or blame about your partner; using "I" statements to share your perspective rather than making accusations or generalizations about your partner. Sharing, rather than burying your feelings and emotions. Emotional Presence: How do you manage your emotional state during conflicts? Observe whether you can remain engaged in difficult conversations without becoming hostile or shutting down, asking for a timeout when needed to regulate rather than abandoning the discussion entirely or escalating into destructive patterns. Receptive Listening: Are you able to truly hear what's alive in your partner (feelings & needs) during conflicts? Pay attention to whether you can listen with genuine curiosity and respect even when your partner's experience differs from yours, seeking to deeply understand their experience rather than just waiting for your turn to speak or planning your defense. Repair Orientation: What is your focus during conflicts? Notice if your primary goal is resolution and reconnection rather than winning the argument or proving yourself right, showing willingness to take responsibility for your part and make amends. Vulnerability Maintenance: Can you stay emotionally open during difficult conversations? Can you speak from your core (your stories, beliefs, feelings, needs, etc.)? Observe whether you maintain your capacity for vulnerability even when feeling hurt or misunderstood, or if you automatically armor yourself with defensiveness, contempt, criticism (making your partner wrong/bad), stonewall, or emotional withdrawal when conflicts arise.
Yes, I am able to effectively communicate and repair.
No, I may get mean, withdrawn, shutdown, etc.
Unsure / Somewhat
19
Am I willing to be accountable?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Impact Recognition: Can you acknowledge how your actions affect your partner regardless of your intentions? Notice whether you focus primarily on the impact of your behavior or if you become fixated on defending your intentions when your partner expresses hurt or disappointment. Pattern Awareness: Do you recognize your contributions to recurring relationship dynamics? Observe whether you can identify your role in problematic patterns rather than viewing difficulties as entirely caused by your partner or external circumstances. Non-Defensive Listening: How do you respond when your partner raises concerns about your behavior? Pay attention to whether you can listen openly without immediately becoming defensive, dismissive, or launching counter-criticisms when receiving feedback. Apology Capacity: Can you offer genuine apologies that acknowledge impact without qualifiers? Notice if your apologies contain phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry, but..." rather than clearly acknowledging your responsibility for how your actions affected your partner. Change Commitment: Are you willing to modify behavior that hurts your partner? Observe whether you demonstrate willingness to make concrete changes when you've caused harm, or if you expect your partner to simply adapt to or accept hurtful patterns.
Yes, I focus on the impact of my behavior rather than just my intentions when my partner expresses concerns.
I tend to focus more on explaining my side or intentions rather than acknowledging how my actions affect my partner.
Unsure / Somewhat
20
Am I curious about my partners inner world?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Active Discovery: Do you maintain genuine interest in learning new things about your partner? Notice whether you ask open-ended questions about their experiences, thoughts, and feelings, or if you assume you already know everything important about them. Memory and Attention: How well do you retain and build upon what your partner shares? Observe whether you remember significant details about their hopes, fears, and experiences, following up on previous conversations and showing that you value what they've shared. Safe Space Creation: Do you foster an environment where your partner feels comfortable being vulnerable? Pay attention to whether your responses to their disclosures encourage deeper sharing through non-judgmental listening and empathetic responses, or if they seem to withdraw or filter what they share. Growth Recognition: Can you see your partner as continuously evolving? Notice if you approach them with fresh eyes, recognizing that they're not static but constantly growing and changing, or if you interact based on outdated assumptions about who they are. Interest Breadth: How engaged are you with the fuller context of your partner's life? Observe whether you show curiosity about their relationships, work passions, creative pursuits, and life dreams, or if your interest is limited to how their experiences directly affect your relationship.
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
21
Am I able to be truly committed?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Active Choice: Do you consciously choose your partner? Notice whether you regularly appreciate and recommit to your partner through your thoughts and actions, or if you remain in the relationship mainly out of habit, convenience, for the title / living arrangement, or fear of being alone. Positive Comparison Patterns: How do you mentally position your partner relative to others? Observe whether you naturally notice and appreciate what makes your partner special compared to others, or if you frequently find yourself comparing them unfavorably to alternatives (real or imagined). Emotional Investment: Would losing your partner represent a significant emotional loss? Pay attention to whether the thought of truly losing your partner evokes deep emotional response indicating their irreplaceable value, or if you maintain emotional distance to protect yourself from potential loss. Future Orientation: How do you envision your future with your partner? Notice if you naturally include them in your long-term plans and dreams with enthusiasm, or if you keep future possibilities vague and avoid commitments that would limit your options. Protective Behaviors: Do you actively protect your relationship from threats? Observe whether you maintain appropriate boundaries with others and make choices that reinforce your commitment, or if you keep "doors open" to other possibilities and maintain connections that could threaten your primary relationship.
Yes, I consciously choose and commit to a partner.
I tend to worry if the grass is greener or if someone else would be a "better fit". / I prefer to keep doors open for other possibilities.
Unsure / Somewhat
22
Do I tend to nurture gratefulness or resentment when it comes to a partner?* This field is required.POINTS TO CONSIDER Thought Patterns: What dominates your internal narrative about your partner? Notice whether your daily thoughts focus on appreciation for their positive qualities and contributions, or if you frequently dwell on their shortcomings and past mistakes. Active Appreciation: Do you consciously seek out reasons to be grateful? Observe whether you intentionally "catch" your partner doing things right and frequently express appreciation for them (This is OFTEN, and expressed in small ways by saying things like: thank you, I’m proud of you, I really admire you, I respect you, etc.)and actively minimizing or contextualizing your partner's negative traits, or if you primarily notice and comment on what they do wrong. Mental Scorekeeping: How do you track relationship contributions? Pay attention to whether you maintain a mental ledger of disappointments and perceived inequities, or if you focus on the overall positive balance of your relationship. Benefit of the Doubt: How do you interpret your partner's actions? Notice if you assume positive intentions when problems arise, or if you default to negative interpretations, focus on their flaws, and suspicions about their motives. Team Mentality: Do you maintain an "us against the world" perspective? Observe whether you speak positively about your partner to others and defend them when appropriate, or if you frequently complain about them and seek validation for your grievances from friends or family.
Yes, I tend to nurture gratefulness for my partner.
I often feel resentful towards partners eventually.
Unsure / Somewhat grateful
23
Self-Assessment Score
24
Does my partner have self-acceptance?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates self-acceptance, observe: How they talk about themselves - do they use harsh self-criticism or demonstrate self-compassion? How they handle making mistakes - do they berate themselves excessively or can they acknowledge errors without harsh judgment? Pay attention to whether they can acknowledge and express their own emotions openly, or if they tend to suppress or deny certain feelings. Notice if they're able to accept different aspects of their personality, including traits they might consider "weak" or uncomfortable. Observe how they react to similar traits in you - if they're harshly judgmental about specific qualities in you that they might also possess, it could indicate they haven't accepted those parts of themselves. Watch for consistency between how they treat themselves and how they treat you. Notice if they can receive compliments gracefully or if they consistently reject or downplay positive feedback. Observe their ability to practice self-care without guilt, which often reflects healthy self-acceptance.
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
25
Does my partner have a sense of worthiness?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates a sense of worthiness, observe: Notice how they receive your love and affection - do they accept it naturally or seem uncomfortable/skeptical when you express love? Pay attention to how they react to compliments - can they accept praise gracefully or do they deflect or dismiss positive feedback? Observe whether they can assert their needs and wants in the relationship (and without excessive guilt or apologizing). Notice their relationship with happiness - can they fully enjoy good moments or do they seem to anticipate something bad will happen to balance it out? Watch how they handle success - do they allow themselves to celebrate achievements or do they minimize their accomplishments? Observe how they talk about themselves - do they speak from a place of inherent value or constantly need to prove their worth? Notice if they can set healthy boundaries, which often indicates they believe they have the right to protect their wellbeing. Pay attention to whether they sabotage positive experiences in the relationship, which might suggest they don't feel deserving of sustained happiness.
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
26
Is my partner autonomous?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates autonomy, observe: Notice if they consistently seek external validation for their worth through behaviors like excessive people-pleasing, changing their opinions to match others, frequent fishing for compliments, or needing constant approval for their choices, performance, and appearance—suggesting their sense of self depends on others' opinions rather than their own internal compass. How they respond to disagreements - do small conflicts escalate dramatically because they interpret them as rejection / take them personally (aka translate incidents into evidence of rejection, evidence of not really being loved, or being abandoned)? Pay attention to how they react when you need personal space or time to focus on other aspects of your life (work, hobbies, friends). Are they comfortable with the space or do they try to make you wrong / they do not respect the space and come up with things that require you to give up on taking the space? Notice if they can make decisions independently or if they constantly need others' approval or direction. Observe their reaction when meeting new people - do they seem primarily concerned with making a good impression (what others think of them) or with forming their own opinions (what they think of others)? Watch how they handle periods when you're mentally preoccupied with other matters - do they panic or respect your mental space? Notice whether they take responsibility for their own emotions and needs or regularly expect you to "rescue" them from difficult feelings. Observe whether they support your personal growth and independence, even when it doesn't directly involve them.
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
27
Does my partner have good self-connection / self-disclosure?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates self-connection and self-disclosure, observe: Notice how freely they share their inner world - do they express genuine feelings, fears, and desires, or do they remain closed off and selective in what they reveal? Pay attention to how they handle their own emotions - can they identify and articulate what they're feeling, or do they seem confused or disconnected from their emotional experiences? Observe whether they can be vulnerable with you without excessive shame - do they share personal struggles and insecurities, or do they maintain a carefully curated image even in private moments? Watch how they respond to your emotional sharing - do they reciprocate with their own openness, or do they become uncomfortable when intimacy deepens? Observe whether there's alignment between their words and actions - does their behavior match what they express verbally, or do you notice significant disconnects between what they say and what they do? Notice if they can discuss their past experiences, patterns, and growth areas - suggesting self-awareness and connection to their own journey, or if they avoid self-reflection and personal history? Pay attention to whether they seek to understand their own motivations and reactions - indicating active self-connection, or if they seem uninterested in or unaware of why they think, feel, or behave as they do?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
28
Does my partner have good self-concept?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates a good self-concept, observe: Notice the alignment between their words and actions - do they behave in ways that match how they describe themselves, or is there a disconnect between their self-description and actual behavior? Pay attention to their awareness of underlying patterns and triggers - can they recognize their own defense mechanisms, emotional triggers, and recurring behavioral patterns, or do they seem unaware of what drives their reactions and tend to project their issues onto others? Observe whether their self-image remains relatively stable across different situations - do they maintain a consistent sense of self, or does their self-perception shift dramatically based on external validation? Notice how they respond to feedback from others - are they generally unsurprised by others' perceptions of them, or frequently shocked by how people see them? Watch whether their behavior is predictable based on their stated values - do their choices align with who they claim to be, or do they often act in ways that contradict their professed beliefs? Observe if they demonstrate self-awareness about their impact on others - suggesting accurate self-perception, or are they oblivious to how their behavior affects those around them? Notice whether they can discuss their personal growth areas without defensiveness - indicating realistic self-understanding, or do they resist acknowledging areas where they need development?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
29
Does my partner operate from an adult's understanding of selfish love?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates an adult understanding of selfish love, observe: Notice how they respond to your successes and happiness - do they celebrate your achievements as if they were their own, or show jealousy, competition, or indifference? Pay attention to whether they invest in your personal growth - do they actively support your development and see it as beneficial to the relationship, or do they feel threatened by your evolution and independence? Observe if they find genuine pleasure in meeting your needs - do they experience satisfaction and joy when contributing to your wellbeing, or do they present caring for you as a burden, obligation, or sacrifice? Notice whether they express spontaneous affection and delight - do they touch, hold, or express love because it brings them joy, or does physical affection feel like an obligation they perform? Watch how they talk about your relationship's impact on their life - do they describe the relationship as enriching and growth-promoting for both of you, or primarily focus on what they've had to give up or compromise?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
30
Is my partner able to nurture another?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates the ability to nurture, observe: Notice how they respond when you express needs or vulnerability - do they offer genuine support and understanding, or do they seem impatient, dismissive, or uncomfortable with your emotional needs? Pay attention to whether they support your growth without trying to control it - do they encourage your pursuits and evolution on your own terms, or do they attempt to shape you according to their preferences? Observe if they provide attentive care while respecting boundaries - can they be present for you without becoming overly involved or taking on your problems, or do they either overwhelm you with unwanted help or withdraw when you need support? Notice whether they create safety for your authentic self - do they make you feel accepted and valued even when showing imperfections, or do you feel you must perform or hide certain aspects of yourself? Watch how they balance supporting both your strength and vulnerability - can they celebrate your capabilities while also providing comfort during difficulties, or do they only engage with certain aspects of who you are?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
31
Do they show a desire (& the ability) to truly see a partner?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates the desire and ability to truly see you, observe: Notice whether they maintain active curiosity about your inner world - do they ask genuine questions about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, or do they assume they already know everything about you? Pay attention to how they perceive your evolution and growth - do they notice and appreciate new aspects of your personality as you develop, or do they interact with you based on outdated perceptions? Observe if they see you realistically rather than idealistically - can they acknowledge both your strengths and flaws while still valuing you, or have they created a fantasy version that ignores important aspects of who you are? Notice whether they truly listen during conversations - do they engage with what you're actually saying and feeling, or do they seem to be responding to their assumptions about you / thinking of only what they will say next? Watch how they respond to surprises about you - when you reveal something unexpected or act differently than anticipated, do they show interest and adjust their understanding, or do they dismiss or resist new information that challenges their fixed view?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
32
Does it seem that excitement exist within them?* This field is required.To gauge whether genuine excitement exists within your partner, observe: Notice their general energy and enthusiasm for life - do they generate their own vitality and curiosity? Do they approach daily experiences with curiosity and vitality, or do they seem emotionally flat (needing externals to stimulate them) and go through life on autopilot? Pay attention to whether they rely on external sources for excitement - do they have an internal wellspring of enthusiasm, or do they constantly need new experiences, achievements, or others' energy to feel alive? Observe how they express joy and enthusiasm - can they freely show excitement and delight, or do they seem to suppress positive emotions and maintain emotional restraint? Notice their beliefs about passion over time - do they actively challenge the idea that relationships become boring, or do they frequently express resignation about passion inevitably fading? Watch whether they maintain consistent emotional presence - can they sustain interest and engagement between peak experiences, or do they seem to emotionally "check out" during ordinary moments, waiting for the next external stimulus?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
33
Do they view the success of a relationship as important as other areas of their life?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner prioritizes your relationship appropriately, observe: Notice how they allocate their time and energy - do they protect dedicated time for your relationship with the same commitment they show to work or other priorities, or does couple time consistently get sacrificed when life gets busy? Pay attention to whether they actively nurture the relationship - do they take initiative in planning dates, creating meaningful moments, and maintaining connection, or do they adopt a passive "if it happens, it happens" approach? Observe how they handle competing demands - when work deadlines, social events, or other obligations arise, do they find ways to maintain relationship connection, or does your time together always get postponed? Notice their presence during time together - when you are together, are they fully engaged and present, or frequently distracted by phones, work thoughts, or other concerns? Do they frequently turn towards your bids (little moments where a partner was trying to get attention, affection, conversation, support, etc. aka moments of connection)? Or do they ignore them or get angry that you "interrupted" them? Watch whether they treat relationship maintenance as essential - do they view working on your connection as crucial as maintaining their health or career, or do they assume the relationship will sustain itself without deliberate effort?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
34
Are they in a position/point of life to have a relationship & love?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner is truly available for a relationship, observe: Notice their current life priorities and goals - do they express readiness for partnership and make choices that support building a life together, or do they frequently talk about needing to explore, travel alone, or focus exclusively on individual pursuits? Pay attention to their emotional maturity and self-awareness - have they done sufficient personal growth work to engage in healthy partnership, or are they still working through fundamental issues that prevent genuine intimacy? Observe whether their life circumstances support relationship commitment - do they have reasonable stability in work, living situation, and mental health to invest in partnership, or are they navigating major transitions that demand their full attention? Notice how they discuss future plans and timelines - do they naturally include you in their vision and show alignment with your relationship goals, or do they remain vague about commitment and express different timing for major milestones? Watch whether they demonstrate vulnerability and emotional availability - can they open up and share their inner world despite natural fears, or do they maintain walls that prevent deep intimacy from developing?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
35
Do they use sex as an expression and celebration of love?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner uses sex as an expression of love, observe: Notice how they integrate emotional and physical intimacy - does physical connection flow naturally from emotional closeness and vice versa, or do they compartmentalize sex as separate from emotional bonding? Pay attention to their presence during intimate moments - are they emotionally engaged and connected with you during sex, or do they seem distant, mechanical, or focused only on physical sensation? Observe whether they express affection beyond sexual contexts - do they show physical tenderness, desire, and connection throughout daily life, or is touch primarily limited to sexual situations? Notice their motivations for intimacy - do they seek physical connection as an expression of love and desire for you specifically, or primarily for stress relief, validation, or meeting physical needs? Watch how they respond to natural ebbs and flows - when life circumstances affect sexual frequency, do they maintain other forms of intimacy and connection, or does emotional distance follow any reduction in sexual activity?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
36
Are they willing to create a private universe with a partner?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner is willing to create a private universe, observe: Notice whether they actively invest in your unique bond - do they initiate and participate in creating shared rituals, inside language, and special traditions, or do they seem indifferent to or uncomfortable with these intimate markers? Pay attention to how they handle relationship privacy - do they naturally keep intimate details between you two and create experiences that are exclusively yours, or do they overshare with others or duplicate special moments with different people? Observe their engagement in building shared meaning - do they contribute to developing your unique ways of understanding each other and create joint narratives about your relationship, or do they maintain emotional distance that prevents this deeper knowing? Notice how they integrate you into their life - do they include you in important aspects of their world and future plans while maintaining healthy individuality, or do they keep rigid boundaries between your relationship and other life areas? Watch their commitment during challenges - when external pressures arise, do they actively work to protect and nurture your connection, or do they allow circumstances to create distance and prioritize individual concerns over your shared bond?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
37
Do they possess the ability to see the whole picture?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner possesses the ability to see the whole picture, observe: Notice how they respond during relationship conflicts - do they maintain perspective that disagreements are normal and temporary, or do they catastrophize every argument as a sign the relationship is doomed? Pay attention to whether they remember your positive history during difficulties - can they hold onto the good aspects of your relationship when going through tough times, or do they seem to forget everything positive when they're upset? Observe how they characterize you after disagreements - do they maintain a balanced view of who you are as a person, or do they reduce you to your worst moment or most recent mistake? Notice their tolerance for relationship ebbs and flows - can they weather periods of disconnection or frustration without panicking about the relationship's future, or do they interpret every rough patch as evidence you're incompatible? Watch whether they threaten the relationship during conflicts - do they work through problems with commitment to resolution, or do they frequently suggest breaking up or use the relationship as a bargaining chip when upset?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
38
Do they know how to self-regulate / self-soothe?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner possesses self-regulation skills, observe: Notice their emotional responsibility patterns - do they take ownership of managing their emotional states, or do they consistently make you responsible for fixing their feelings or calming them down? Pay attention to their coping strategies during stress - do they use healthy self-soothing methods like exercise, meditation, or journaling, or do they turn to destructive behaviors like substance use, excessive spending, working, eating, sex, codependency (aka the partner needs to fix their ok-ness), isolation, or other behaviors that are distracting them from processing feelings and giving their nervous system what it needs? Observe their emotional expression balance - can they process and express difficult feelings appropriately, or do they swing between complete suppression and explosive outbursts that overwhelm you? Notice their recovery time from emotional distress - are they able to return to equilibrium within reasonable timeframes, or do they remain dysregulated for extended periods, requiring constant external intervention? Watch for boundary maintenance during upset - when emotionally distressed, can they still respect your needs and boundaries, or do they demand immediate attention regardless of your circumstances, expecting you to drop everything to manage their feelings?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
39
Can they tolerate temporary discord, frustration, & alienation?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner can tolerate relationship challenges, observe: Notice their response to normal conflicts - do they maintain perspective that disagreements are natural, or do they catastrophize issues into relationship-ending crises and make dramatic declarations about incompatibility? Pay attention to their emotional regulation during disagreements - can they experience frustration, disappointment, or hurt without becoming overwhelmed or reactive, maintaining their ability to think clearly and engage constructively even when emotions are intense? Observe how they handle your legitimate needs for space - do they understand when you need to focus on work, family, or personal matters, or do they interpret your busy periods as personal rejection and require constant reassurance? Notice their persistence and commitment through challenges - can they not only recover from individual conflicts but also maintain engagement during extended difficult phases that require sustained effort? Do they show emotional stamina to work through problems over time, or do they quickly lose patience when resolution isn't immediate? Watch for perspective maintenance under stress - do they keep relationship problems in proper proportion to the overall health of your connection, or does every challenge feel catastrophic and permanently damaging to them?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
40
Are they able to handle conflicts in a mature way (ability to communicate & repair)?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner handles conflicts maturely, observe: Notice their communication style during disagreements - do they express feelings and needs clearly using "I" statements, or do they resort to criticism, blame, contempt, or personal attacks? Pay attention to their emotional presence during conflict - can they remain engaged in difficult conversations, or do they withdraw, stonewall, give silent treatment, or emotionally shut down when things get uncomfortable? Observe their accountability in conflicts - do they acknowledge their contributions to problems and take responsibility for their impact, or do they deflect blame, make excuses, and position themselves solely as the victim? Notice their focus during arguments - are they oriented toward understanding and resolution, or are they primarily concerned with being "right," winning the argument, or punishing you for perceived wrongs? Watch their repair efforts after conflicts - do they actively work to reconnect and heal the relationship after disagreements, offering genuine apologies and making amends, or do they hold grudges, wait for you to apologize first, or act as if nothing happened without addressing the issue?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
41
Are they willing to be accountable?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates accountability, observe: Notice their response when you express hurt or concern - do they listen openly to understand how their actions affected you, or do they immediately become defensive, dismissive, shutdown, or turn the focus back on your faults? Pay attention to their apology patterns - do they offer genuine apologies that acknowledge specific impacts ("I'm sorry I hurt you by..."), or do they use deflecting language ("I'm sorry you feel that way") or conditional apologies ("I'm sorry, but...")? Observe whether they acknowledge their role in problems - can they recognize patterns where they contribute to relationship difficulties, or do they consistently position themselves as blameless while making you responsible for all issues? Notice their focus during accountability discussions - do they prioritize understanding impact over defending intentions, or do they spend most energy explaining why they did something rather than addressing how it affected you? Watch for behavioral changes after acknowledgment - when they recognize they've caused harm, do they make concrete efforts to change those behaviors, or do patterns repeat despite multiple discussions and promises to do better?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
42
Are they curious about my inner world?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates curiosity about your inner world, observe: Notice their questioning patterns - do they ask open-ended questions about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with genuine interest, or do they stick to surface-level check-ins like "how was your day" without deeper follow-up? Pay attention to their listening and retention - do they remember important details you've shared and bring them up later, showing they truly absorbed what you said, or do you find yourself repeating the same information because they weren't really listening? Observe their response to your sharing - when you open up about vulnerable topics, do they create a safe, judgment-free space that encourages deeper disclosure, or do they seem uncomfortable, change the subject, or make you regret being open? Notice the balance in conversations - do they show equal interest in your experiences as they expect you to show in theirs, or do discussions consistently center around their life with minimal curiosity about yours? Watch their engagement with your growth - do they notice and ask about changes in your interests, perspectives, or personal development, or do they seem unaware of your evolution as a person, still relating to an outdated version of you?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
43
Are they able to be truly committed?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner demonstrates true commitment, observe: Notice their language about your future - do they naturally speak in terms of "we" and "our" when discussing future plans, expressing enthusiasm about your life together, or do they remain vague about the future and avoid making long-term plans? Notice their conviction and cherishing behaviors - do they demonstrate through words and actions that they actively choose you (their choice is beyond just having titles or living arrangements), express appreciation for your unique qualities, and show they cherish you beyond convenience or habit, or does their commitment feel circumstantial or lukewarm? Pay attention to their comparison patterns - do they speak positively about your relationship compared to others and express gratitude for having you, or do they frequently mention what other couples have, express envy of single life, or compare you unfavorably to exes or potential alternatives? Observe their decision-making priorities - do they make choices that protect and strengthen your relationship, considering how decisions affect both of you, or do they consistently prioritize individual interests without regard for you or the relationship's wellbeing? Notice their emotional investment level - does the thought of losing you evoke genuine distress and do they actively work to maintain your connection, or do they seem to be maintaining a certain level of emotional detachment "just in case"? Watch their loyalty in action - do they establish appropriate boundaries with others and remove themselves from situations that could threaten your relationship, or do they keep backup options, maintain inappropriate connections, or entertain attention from others?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
44
Do they seem to nurture gratefulness when it comes to a partner?* This field is required.Notice their daily expressions about you - do they regularly voice appreciation for things you do and qualities they value in you, or do they primarily comment on what you haven't done or ways you fall short? Pay attention to their focus patterns - do they actively "catch" you doing things right and acknowledge your positive actions while minimizing / contextualizing your negative traits, or do they seem hyper-vigilant for mistakes and quick to point out your shortcomings? Observe their interpretation of challenging situations - when conflict arises, do they give you the benefit of the doubt and assume positive intent, or do they default to negative interpretations and assume the worst? Notice how they speak about you to others - do they express pride and appreciation when discussing you with friends and family, or do they frequently complain about you or seek validation for their grievances? Watch their response to conflicts - after disagreements, do they return to an appreciation mindset relatively quickly, or do they hold onto negativity, keeping running tallies of wrongs and bringing up past mistakes repeatedly?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
45
Partner Assessment Score
46
Is there significant mutuality of intellect, basic premises & values, and fundamental attitude toward life?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner have significant mutuality of intellect, basic premises & values, and fundamental attitude toward life, observe: Notice the flow of your conversations - do you find natural understanding without extensive explanation, sharing similar thought processes and reasoning patterns, or do you frequently feel like you're speaking different languages despite using the same words? Is there intellectual stimulation? Pay attention to your shared response patterns - when facing challenges or opportunities, do you both tend to react similarly (whether optimistically or cautiously), demonstrating aligned attitudes toward adversity and success, or do you consistently have opposing reactions to the same situations? Observe your value alignment in action - do your daily choices and priorities reflect similar core values about responsibility, effort, what constitutes a meaningful life etc., or do you find yourselves in frequent conflict about fundamental life decisions? Notice your cognitive compatibility - do you process experiences and solve problems in complementary ways, easily following each other's logic and emotional reasoning, or do you struggle to understand each other's decision-making processes? In romantic love where there is significant mutuality, we feel implicitly, “My lover sees life as I do. He/she faces existence as I face it. He/she experiences the fact of being alive as I experience it.”
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
47
Is there affinity in 'sense of life'?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner have affinity in 'sense of life', observe: Pay attention to your emotional responses to existence - do you both experience similar feelings about being alive (wonder, excitement, caution, gratitude), sharing an underlying emotional tone toward life itself, or do you have fundamentally different emotional relationships with existence? Notice your unconscious harmonies - do you find yourselves naturally drawn to similar experiences, aesthetics, and environments without needing to negotiate or compromise, or do your instinctive preferences consistently diverge? Notice whether you share emotional validation patterns - when sharing your deepest feelings/sense about life, do you feel truly understood at an emotional level (not just intellectually), or do you sense a fundamental disconnect in how you each experience the world emotionally? Watch for moments of implicit understanding - do you experience frequent instances of unspoken connection where you "just know" what the other is thinking or feeling, or do most interactions require explicit clarification and explanation to avoid misunderstanding?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
48
Is there affinity in 'rhythm & energy'?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner have affinity in rhythm and energy, observe: Notice your life pacing preferences - do you approach tasks and activities with similar urgency (whether preferring efficiency or taking time to savor), or does one of you consistently feel rushed while the other feels pressured to speed up? Pay attention to your conversation dynamics - do your speech patterns and processing speeds align, allowing for comfortable dialogue flow, or does one person consistently interrupt while the other struggles to keep up? Observe your energy level compatibility - do you both prefer similar activity levels and rest patterns, or is one person always pushing for more action while the other craves quiet downtime? Notice your timing expectations - do you share similar views on punctuality, planning ahead, and spontaneity, or do you frequently clash over being too rigid versus too flexible with time? Watch your emotional processing speeds - when dealing with feelings or making decisions, do you move through these processes at compatible rates, or does one person need immediate resolution while the other requires extended reflection time?
Yes
No
Unsure /Somewhat
49
Are most of our differences viewed as complimentary (aka valuable & desirable, enriching and are in the realm of that which is optional)?* This field is required.To gauge whether your differences are complementary or antagonistic, observe: Notice the nature of your differences - do they exist in flexible areas like hobbies, social preferences, cognitive or work styles, or do they touch on core values like integrity, responsibility, or fundamental life goals where alignment is essential? Pay attention to your response to contrasts - when your partner is or does something differently, do you feel curious and appreciative of their perspective, or do you experience frustration and wish they were more like you? Observe whether differences enhance your life - do your partner's contrasting traits introduce you to new experiences, dimensions of self, and ways of thinking that enrich your world, or do you experience it as obstacles and limitations that diminish your quality of life? Notice how you speak about your differences - do you describe them as strengths that balance each other ("they help me see things differently"), or as sources of ongoing conflict ("we just can't agree on this")? Watch whether differences foster growth or resentment - do your contrasting approaches inspire personal development and expanded consciousness, or do they accumulate as grievances and sources of disconnection over time?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
50
Do we have psychological visibility?* This field is required.To gauge whether you experience psychological visibility, observe: Notice whether you feel accurately perceived - when you share your thoughts, feelings, or experiences, does your partner's response reflect genuine understanding of your perspective, or do you frequently need to correct misinterpretations of your meaning? Pay attention to their appreciation of your core self - does your partner express admiration for the qualities you most value in yourself and recognize what's truly important to you, or do they seem to appreciate you for reasons that feel superficial or misaligned? Observe their response to your emotions - when you express feelings, does your partner acknowledge and validate your emotional reality (even if they wouldn't feel the same way), or do they dismiss, minimize, or try to change how you feel? Notice whether you can be fully authentic - do you feel safe showing all aspects of yourself, including vulnerabilities and imperfections, knowing you'll still be valued, or do you feel pressure to maintain a certain image to keep their approval? Reflect on your own capacity to see them - do you offer the same depth of understanding, recognition, and validation that you seek, truly grasping their essence and values, or are there aspects of them you dismiss or wish to change?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
51
Do I feel that I am a source of joy to my partner? Are they a source of joy to me?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner are sources of joy to each other, observe: Notice their facial expressions and body language - when they see you or spend time with you, do they naturally light up with genuine smiles, relaxed posture, and engaged eye contact, or do they seem tense, distracted, or indifferent? Pay attention to your emotional state during and after time together - do you consistently feel more energized, peaceful, or happy after interactions, or do you often feel drained, anxious, or relieved when time together ends? Observe the quality of attention you give each other - do you both show genuine interest and presence when together, or does one or both of you seem eager to move on to other activities or frequently check phones/devices? Notice your anticipation patterns - do you both look forward to seeing each other and creating opportunities to connect, or does spending time together feel more like an obligation or routine? Watch for expressions of appreciation - do you regularly acknowledge the pleasure you take in each other's company and express gratitude for specific qualities, or has acknowledgment of joy become rare?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
52
Do I admire my partner? And them me?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner mutually admire each other, observe: Notice your thoughts when apart - when your partner isn't present, do you reflect on character traits and qualities you genuinely respect in them, or do you primarily focus on what they do for you or how they make you feel? Pay attention to whether you feel pride in your choice - when introducing or speaking about your partner to others, do you feel a sense of genuine respect and honor in having chosen them, or do you feel neutral or even apologetic? Observe the specific qualities you value - can you identify clear, character-based virtues you admire in your partner (like integrity, courage, wisdom), or is your appreciation mainly based on what they do for you or more superficial (like looks) or circumstantial factors (like money)? Notice how you weather difficulties - during challenging times, does your foundational respect for who they are help sustain the relationship, or does attraction or attachment alone carry you through? Watch for expressions of genuine esteem - does your partner articulate specific qualities they admire in you (beyond generic compliments), and do their actions consistently demonstrate that they value your character and capabilities?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
53
Do we have shared meaning and purpose?* This field is required.To gauge whether you and your partner have shared meaning and purpose, observe: Notice your vision alignment - when discussing the future, do your individual hopes and dreams naturally complement each other, or do you find yourselves pulling in fundamentally different directions? Pay attention to your conversations about meaning - do you engage in discussions about your deeper values, spiritual beliefs, or what makes life worthwhile, finding common ground in what matters most to both of you? Observe your mutual support of goals - do you actively encourage and facilitate each other's meaningful pursuits and aspirations, or do individual ambitions create tension rather than shared purpose? Notice the rituals you've developed - have you created meaningful traditions, rituals, or regular practices that celebrate your connection, or does your relationship lack these shared intentional experiences? Watch how you make sense of difficulties - when facing challenges, do you interpret them within a larger shared narrative about your journey together, or do hardships feel purely negative without deeper meaning or purpose?
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
54
Do I trust my partner?* This field is required.To gauge whether you truly trust your partner, observe: Notice your vulnerability comfort level - are you willing to share your fears, weaknesses, and mistakes without anxiety about how they'll respond, or do you carefully filter what you reveal to protect yourself? Pay attention to their reliability and consistency - can you count on them to follow through on commitments and responsibilities, or do you often find yourself having to verify, remind, or handle things yourself because they can't be depended upon? Can you comfortably depend on them for support during difficult times, believing they'll be there for you, or do you hesitate to lean on them due to uncertainty about their response? Observe your belief in their positive intention - do you fundamentally believe they have your best interests at heart and consider your wellbeing in their decisions, or do you frequently question their motives or feel the need to defend your interests? Can you directly ask for what you need without excessive justification or apology, trusting they'll genuinely consider your requests, or do you hesitate to express needs for fear of disappointment or conflict? Notice your emotional safety - do you feel free to be your authentic self without fear of rejection, criticism, or abandonment, or do you maintain certain guards to protect yourself from potential hurt? Watch for your sense of partnership solidarity - do you experience a deep feeling of being genuinely "in this together," facing life's challenges as a united team, or do you often feel alone even within the relationship? Note: If you find yourself struggling to trust despite your partner's consistent reliability, reflect on whether past experiences might be influencing your perceptions. Trust challenges sometimes stem from previous relationships or childhood experiences rather than your current partner's behavior.
Yes
No
Unsure / Somewhat
55
Do they trust me?* This field is required.To gauge whether your partner truly trusts you, observe: Notice their willingness to be vulnerable - do they readily share fears, weaknesses, and mistakes with you, or do they seem guarded and selective about what they reveal? Pay attention to their comfort with dependence - do they allow themselves to rely on you for support during difficult times, or do they insist on handling everything independently even when struggling? Do they express their needs directly rather than through hints or manipulation? Observe how they receive your promises - do they take your word at face value and show confidence in your follow-through, or do they frequently check, verify, or express doubt about your reliability? Notice their authenticity with you - do they appear comfortable being their true self around you, including less flattering aspects of themselves, or do they seem to maintain a carefully managed image? Watch their default interpretations of your actions - when your behavior is ambiguous, do they generally assume positive intentions on your part, or do they quickly jump to negative conclusions about your motives or character? Important note about trust assessment: If your partner struggles with trust despite your consistency, it may reflect their past experiences rather than your current behavior. Sometimes trust issues stem from previous relationships or childhood experiences. In these cases, their difficulty trusting might be more about protective patterns they've developed rather than anything you're doing.
Yes
No
Unsure
56
Is my partner trustworthy?* This field is required.Trustworthiness is really all about how a person shows up and their willingness to put the relationship first (maybe not all the time, but most of the time). If over time there is no reliability with these 5 things, then a partner cannot be deemed trustworthy: Honesty: Do not trust someone who lies to you. Too often we come up with excuses for their behavior. Does your partner tell the truth to you and to others? Transparency: Your partner should be an open book without secrets. Does your partner invite you to meet family, friends, colleagues? Do they confide in you about major stressors, ambitions, and goals? Accountability: Doing what one says they are going to do. Is there proof that your partner keeps their promises? Ethical Actions: Just and fair conduct. Their values are in-tune with yours. Does your partner display just and fair conduct with consistency? Proof of Alliance: Shown in small ways, and does not form coalitions against you. Does your partner have your back? Are they on your team?
Yes
No
Unsure
57
Am I a trustworthy partner?* This field is required.Again, trustworthiness is really all about how you show up and your willingness to put the relationship first (maybe not all the time, but most of the time). If over time there is no reliability with these 5 things, then you cannot be deemed trustworthy: Honesty: Do you consistently tell the truth to your partner and others, even when it's difficult or uncomfortable? Transparency: Are you an open book without significant secrets? Do you invite your partner to meet family, friends, and colleagues? Do you confide in them about major stressors, ambitions, and goals? Accountability: Do you do what you say you're going to do? Is there proof that you keep your promises, both big and small? Ethical Actions: Do you consistently demonstrate just and fair conduct? Are your values in-tune with those of your partner? Do you behave with integrity even when no one is watching? Proof of Alliance: Do you show in both small and significant ways that you're on your partner's team? Do you avoid forming coalitions against them or undermining them with others? Do you demonstrably have their back?
Yes
No
Unsure
58
Relationship CompatibilityYes = 2 , No = 0 , Unsure = 1
59
Total Score
60
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61
First Name* This field is required.
First Name
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