Family Decisions Survey
Thank you for your time. This survey will take about 15 minutes to complete and will help inform a book project I am considering pursuing. The multiple choice responses will be aggregated but any written comments may be quoted in my final work. Please be aware this survey discusses sensitive topics including pregnancy, child loss and abuse. If anything raises concerns for you, support is available at panda.org.au (1300 726 306), cope.org.au (1300 740 398) or lifeline.org.au (13 11 14).
Please let me know how you identify?
*
Man
Woman
Non-binary
Other
For the purposes of this survey on family, which of the following do you identify with? (Select most relevant to you at this stage of parenting.)
*
Mother
Father
Parent
Foster parent
Step-parent
Adoptive parent
Pregnant person
Expecting mother
Expecting father
Single mother
Single father
Single parent
Other
How old are you?
*
17 - 18
18 - 20
21 - 25
26 - 30
31 - 35
26 - 40
41 - 45
46 - 50
51 - 55
56 - 60
61 - 65
66 - 70
71 - 75
76 - 80
80+
Other
Where do you live?
*
South Australia
New South Wales
Victoria
Queensland
Tasmania
Western Australia
Northern Territory
Australian Capital Territory
New Zealand
United Kingdom
United States of America
Europe
Asia
Africa
Other
How many children do you have?
*
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
20+
How old is your eldest living child now?
*
0 - 2
3 - 5
6 - 8
9 - 11
12 - 15
16 - 20
21 - 29
30+
Not yet born
N/A
Other
How old is your middle living child now?
0 - 2
3 - 5
6 - 8
9 - 11
12 - 15
16 - 20
21 - 29
30+
N/A
Other
How old is your youngest living child now?
*
0 - 2
3 - 5
6 - 8
9 - 11
12 - 15
16 - 20
21 - 29
30+
Not yet born
N/A
Other
If you have more than 3 living children, how old are they now? (Select all that apply)
0 - 2
3 - 5
6 - 8
9 - 11
12 - 15
16 - 20
21 - 29
30+
N/A
Other
Do you want to have MORE children?
*
Yes
No
Undecided
If yes, how many children would you IDEALLY have in total?
*
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
20+
If you have your ideal number of children, select that number.
Do you wish you had FEWER children?
*
Yes
No
Undecided
If yes, how many children would you IDEALLY have in total?
*
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
20+
If you have your ideal number of children, select that number.
If you are parenting in a relationship (or co-parenting with an ex-partner) did you and your partner agree on how many children you would have?
*
No - and we still don't
N/A
Not at first - but eventually
Yes - always
Yes at first - then one person changed their mind
If comfortable, can you elaborate on how you and your partner negotiated this? Especially if you had differing desires?
What are the main reasons for your desired family size? (Select all that apply.)
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To give an only child a sibling
Preserving parent mental health
Religious beliefs
To replicate my own family size from childhood
Limited financial resources
Abundant financial resources
To give a home to child(ren) who need it
To have a child of a different sex
Only ever wanted one child
Expectations of relatives/extended family
Partner expectations
Preserving parent physical health
Maintaining parent lifestyle
Cultural beliefs
Other
If comfortable, can you elaborate on your desired family size and the reasons for it? How does it compare to your current family composition?
Back
Next
Before becoming a parent, how many children did you initially think you would have?
*
Please Select
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
20+
NA
Unsure
Has the experience of becoming a parent changed your view on how many children you would like?
*
No - I want the same number as initially thought
Yes - I want more children than initially thought
Yes - I want fewer children than initially thought
The answer changes depending on the day!
N/A
If comfortable, can you elaborate on why? Was becoming a parent more difficult or easier than you expected? Have your circumstances changed? etc
If you WANT to have more children, what are the reasons? (Select all that apply.)
*
To be a 'better' parent this time around
To provide a sibling for a current only child
Religious beliefs
Sex of current child(ren) - would like a boy
Sex of current child(ren) - would like a girl
Family feels 'incomplete'
I lost a child
I have a new partner and we would like a child together
To provide a sibling of the same sex for other child(ren)
I have had a child/children removed by authorities
I always imagined having a certain (greater) number of children
I feel 'clucky' again
I am still trying for my first child
To provide a safe home for a foster child
To provide a safe home for an adoptive child
I have a new partner who already has children and we want to create a blended family
N/A
To provide a sibling of the opposite sex for other child(ren)
A yearning I can't explain
Other
If you DO NOT want to have more children, what are the reasons? (Select all that apply.)
*
Our family feels 'complete'
I don't want to be pregnant again
I don't want to foster
I don't want to adopt
I want to maintain current lifestyle/financial freedom
I don't want to go through the newborn phase again
I don't want to risk complications with another child or pregnancy
It would have a negative impact on my relationship with my partner
It would have a negative impact on my mental health
I would not be able to give enough attention/time to my current child(ren)
I only ever wanted one child
I do not want to experience parental mental health struggles again
I have separated from my child's other parent
I cannot afford the financial cost of more children
I don't want to go through the toddler phase again
It would have a negative impact on my physical health
I do not have enough wider family support (ie. grandparents)
I'm unable to access affordable childcare
N/A
Partner did not provide enough support previously
Religious beliefs
Other
If you WANT to have more children, but CANNOT, what are the reasons? (Select all that apply.)
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Financial cost of raising more children is too great
My physical health
My partner does not want more children
Fertility complications
I don't want to foster
I don't want to adopt
It would have a negative impact on my relationship with my partner
My mental health
I would not be able to give enough attention/time to my current child(ren)
Financial cost of further fertility treatment is too great
Physical health of my partner
Physical health of current child(ren)
Emotional toll of further fertility treatment is too great
Former partner will not allow use of embryo
Mental health of my partner
My partner passed away
I do not have a partner and do not want to be a single parent
I do not have enough wider family support (ie. grandparents)
I'm unable to access affordable childcare
Mental health of current child(ren)
N/A
Partner does not provide enough support
Religious beliefs
Other
If you WANT to have more children, but CANNOT, which of the these describes your feelings about your situation? (Select all that apply.)
*
Sad
Devastated
Frustrated
Angry
Jealous of people with more children
Depressed
Accepting
At peace
Ambivalent
Anxious
Impotent
Numb
Furious
Impatient
Hopeful
N/A
In denial
Lonely
Ashamed
Guilty
Hopeless
Helpless
Longing
Grieving
Stressed
Bitter
Resentful
Resilient
Confident
Other
If you WANTED to have more children, but COULD NOT for an extended period of time (even if you have since grown your family), which of the these describes your feelings at that time? (Select all that apply.)
*
Sad
Devastated
Frustrated
Angry
Jealous of people with more children
Depressed
Accepting
At peace
Ambivalent
Anxious
Impotent
Numb
Furious
Impatient
Hopeful
N/A
In denial
Lonely
Ashamed
Guilty
Hopeless
Helpless
Longing
Grieving
Stressed
Bitter
Resentful
Resilient
Confident
Other
Have you had more children than you PLANNED or WANTED?
*
Yes
No
Prefer not to discuss
If so, what were the reasons? (Select all that apply.)
*
Accidental pregnancy
Birth control failure
Coercion by a partner
Took in a relative's child
Took in a friend's child
Asked by government authorities to care for a child
Met a new partner who already had children so we formed a blended family
Pressure from wider family (ie. grandparents)
Pressure from wider society
N/A
Inability to access abortion services
Inability to access birth control
Multiple pregnancy (twins, triplets etc.)
Prefer not to say
Criminal act
Religious beliefs
Other
If you DID NOT want more children, but you ended up having more, which of the below describes your feelings WHEN the extra child(ren) arrived? (Select all that apply.)
*
Sad
Devastated
Frustrated
Angry
Jealous of people with fewer children
Depressed
Accepting
At peace
Ambivalent
Anxious
Delighted
Happy
Regretful
Surprised
Panicked
Ashamed
Bitter
Grieving your old life
Numb
In denial
Disappointed
N/A
Stressed
Embarrassed
Regretful
Other
If you DID NOT want more children, but you ended up having more, which of the below describes your feelings IN HINDSIGHT? (Ie. did your feelings change with time?) (Select all that apply.)
*
Sad
Devastated
Frustrated
Angry
Jealous of people with fewer children
Depressed
Accepting
At peace
Ambivalent
Anxious
Delighted
Happy
Regretful
Surprised
Panicked
Ashamed
Bitter
Grieving your old life
Numb
In denial
Disappointed
N/A
Stressed
Embarrassed
Regretful
Other
Back
Next
Have you CHOSEN to have only ONE child?
*
Yes
No
Undecided
N/A
If so, what were your reasons? (Select all that apply.)
*
Limited financial resources
I was an only child and liked it
I want to maintain lifestyle/freedom in parenthood
Older parental age
My partner only wanted one child
I struggled too much (physically) with the first pregnancy
I struggled too much (physically) with the first postpartum period
I struggled too much (mentally or emotionally) with the first pregnancy
I struggled too much (mentally or emotionally) with the first postpartum period
I feel I can be the best parent with one child
I want to give all my focus and love to one child
Environmental concerns
N/A
I feel it is selfish to have more than one child
Over-population concerns
Our first child has complex or high needs
I did not want to limit my career trajectory
Cost of further fertility treatment was too expensive
Our family 'feels complete' with one child
Solo Mum by choice
I only ever wanted one child
Other
If you have ONE child, have you experienced pressure to add to your family?
*
Yes
No
Unsure
N/A
What have people said to try to convince you to add to your ONE-CHILD family? (Select all that apply.)
*
An only child will be lonely or bored
A child needs a sibling
What if your only child gets sick or dies?
Parenting gets easier as children get older
Having just one child is selfish
You won't be sleep-deprived or changing nappies forever
But babies are so cute!
Don't you want to give your parents more grandchildren?
N/A
Everyone else has more than one child - it's the normal thing to do
Don't you want to give your partner more children?
Parenting gets cheaper with each child because you can re-use all your equipment etc.
Don't you want more children to look after you when you're in your old age?
The clock is ticking!
You won't regret another child, but you might regret not having one.
Religious arguments
Cultural arguments
You'll make it work.
Other
If you have ONE child, but want(ed) MORE, what do you think will be the implications for your one-child family?(Select all that apply.)
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An only child will be lonely or bored
An only child will want siblings
What if my only child gets sick or dies?
An only child will be socially awkward
My parents will be disappointed not to have more grandchildren
I will always be sad that I could not have more children
N/A
My partner will be disappointed not to have more children
I should have tried more options
Our family will never 'feel complete'
I will feel like I failed
I actually feel relieved
I feel guilty about feeling relieved
My only child will be bullied
People will always ask me why I didn't have more children
I hated being an only child - so will my child
Other
If you have TWO or more children, but DO NOT want more, have you experienced pressure to add to your family?
*
Yes
No
Unsure
N/A
What have people said to try to convince you to add to your family of TWO or more children? (Select all that apply.)
*
Don't you also want a boy/girl?
Parenting gets easier as children get older
You won't be sleep-deprived or changing nappies forever
But babies are so cute!
You will regret not having more children
Don't you want to give your parents more grandchildren?
The country needs more future taxpayers
N/A
Don't you want to give you partner more children?
You won't regret another child, but you might regret not having one.
Religious arguments
Cultural arguments
Don't you want more children to look after you in your old age?
Other
If you have TWO living children, what is their age gap?
< 12 months
12-18 months
18- 24 months
3 years
4 years
5 years
6 years
7 years
8 years
9 years
10 years
11+ years
N/A
If you have THREE living children, what is the age gap between the 2nd and 3rd child?
< 12 months
12-18 months
18- 24 months
3 years
4 years
5 years
6 years
7 years
8 years
9 years
10 years
11+ years
N/A
If you have FOUR living children, what is the age gap between the 3rd and 4th child?
< 12 months
12-18 months
18- 24 months
3 years
4 years
5 years
6 years
7 years
8 years
9 years
10 years
11+ years
N/A
If you have FIVE living children, what is the age gap between the 4th and 5th child?
< 12 months
12-18 months
18- 24 months
3 years
4 years
5 years
6 years
7 years
8 years
9 years
10 years
11+ years
N/A
If you have more than five living children please detail their age gaps here.
If you have a large family (FOUR or more children), have you experienced critical judgement about the number of children you have?
*
Yes
No
Unsure
N/A
If you have a large family (FOUR or more children), what critical judgement have you received from others? (Select all that apply.)
*
The children don't get enough individual attention
How can you afford it?
Having too many children is selfish
You must be taking up too much taxpayer-funded support
The children will miss out on opportunities
Having too many children is irresponsible
Having too many children is bad for the environment
You're weird!
You must be addicted to sex!
You're contributing to over-population
Your older children will feel pressure to act like parents to their younger siblings
N/A
Other
If comfortable, can you give any examples of judgement?
If you have a large family (FOUR or more children), what praise have you received from others? (Select all that apply.)
*
You must be great at budgeting
You must be very patient
You must be very organised
Your children must love having so many in-built 'friends'
You would never be lonely
You're selfless to care for so many kids
You're living up to your religious expectations
You're living up to your cultural expectations
N/A
Other
If comfortable, can you give any examples of praise?
What has been the hardest thing about settling on your family size? What would have helped?
Please be aware, the next page discusses pregnancy and child loss.
Back
Next
Have you experienced pregnancy loss?
*
Yes - once
No
Prefer not to discuss
Yes - more than once
Have you experienced stillbirth?
*
Yes - once
No
Prefer not to discuss
Yes - more than once
Have you experienced the loss of a child in any other circumstance?
*
Yes - once
No
Prefer not to discuss
Yes - more than once
If you have experienced the loss of a child, did this influence your future decisions about the size of your family?
Yes - after losing a child I did not want to have any more children
No
Prefer not to discuss
Yes - after losing a child I wanted to have more children
N/A
Other
If you have lost a child, and then welcomed another child, how long was it before you felt ready to add to your family again?
< 12 months
12-18 months
18- 24 months
3 years
4 years
5 years or more
N/A
Would you like to tell me more about how losing a child affected your thoughts on your family planning? Did it affect people in the family differently? Were you fearful of trying for another child? Did it change your attitudes or approaches?
Is there anything I haven't asked about that you would like to discuss?
What would you most like to learn or read in a potential book about how we create our families? (Case studies of other families or high-profile people? How others made their decisions? How to navigate different expectations between partners? Top things to consider to help you make your choice? How to come to terms with an outcome that upsets you? etc)
*
Thank you again for your time and willingness to share. Please look after yourself and seek support if you feel you need it after considering these topics. If you would be willing to contribute further to this project please provide your email address:
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