Bringing a dog home from the shelter is a major transition for both you and the dog - whether you're fostering or adopting. What you are seeing in the first days and weeks is often normal adjustment behavior, not a long-term issue.
Dogs need time, patience, and understanding. Every dog is different and will adjust at their own pace.
The 3-3-3 Guideline
This is a general framework. Some dogs move faster, some slower.
The First 3 Days
Dogs may appear overwhelmed or shut down. You may see fear, withdrawal, limited appetite, accidents in the home, or excessive sleeping.
Focus on calm routines, limited space, and quiet time.
The First 3 Weeks
Dogs may begin to show more personality and emotions. This can include testing boundaries, increased attachment, or anxiety.
This is a common phase where concerns arise, but it does not mean the placement is failing.
The First 3 Months
Dogs typically begin to feel secure, trust their environment, and settle into routine. True bonding often happens during this period.
Confidence in the Handler Builds Confidence in the Dog
Dogs look to their handler for information about the world. When a handler is calm, confident, and consistent, the dog learns that they are safe and do not need to make decisions on their own.
Uncertainty, hesitation, or anxious responses from a handler can increase a dog’s stress and cause them to feel responsible for managing situations themselves. This often leads to behaviors such as reactivity, guarding, or hypervigilance.
Dogs do not need perfection. They need clarity.
1. A Confident Handler:
- Sets clear boundaries
- Moves calmly and intentionally
- Advocates for the dog when space is needed
- Provides structure and direction
- Remains neutral during stress
This leadership allows the dog to relax and follow rather than feel the need to control or protect.
2. Leadership Does Not Mean Force:
Being a leader does not mean intimidation, punishment, or dominance. It means being steady, predictable, and fair.
Leadership is shown through:
- Consistent routines
- Clear expectations
- Calm decision-making
- Guidance rather than correction
When dogs trust their handler to manage situations, they no longer feel the need to react.
3. Why This Matters During Decompression:
During the adjustment period, dogs are constantly assessing their environment. If they sense that their handler is unsure, they may step into a role they are not prepared for.
Confident handling helps dogs:
- Lower their stress levels
- Feel protected
- Make better choices
- Build trust more quickly
A calm, confident presence tells the dog that someone capable is in charge.
Important Reminder:
- Confidence is quiet.
- Leadership is calm.
- Safety comes from consistency.
When you lead with clarity and composure, your dog can follow with trust.
Structure Versus Over-Nurturing
Providing love and comfort is important, but too much nurturing without structure can unintentionally increase anxiety and confusion.
Dogs feel safest when their world is predictable. Clear routines, boundaries, and expectations help them understand what comes next and what is expected of them.
Over-nurturing can look like constant reassurance, excessive talking, hovering, allowing unrestricted freedom too quickly, or responding emotionally to stress behaviors. While well-intended, this can reinforce uncertainty and prevent the dog from learning to self-regulate.
Structure creates confidence.
1. Why Structure Matters
- Structure helps dogs understand their environment
- Learn routines
- Build confidence
- Relax and settle
Predictability lowers stress and supports long-term success.
2. What Healthy Structure Looks Like
- Consistent feeding times
- Regular potty breaks
- Predictable walks
- Designated rest areas
- Clear household boundaries
- Calm, neutral responses to behavior
Structure does not mean harshness. It means clarity.
3. What to Avoid During Decompression
- Constant comforting during fearful moments
- Allowing unlimited access to the home immediately
- Responding emotionally to anxiety behaviors
- Inconsistent rules or routines
Instead, remain calm, steady, and predictable.
4. Balancing Nurturing and Structure
- Offer affection when the dog seeks it
- Provide calm praise rather than excessive reassurance
- Meet needs without overreacting
- Allow the dog to work through minor stress with support nearby
The goal is not to remove all stress, but to teach the dog that they can handle it safely.
Important Reminders:
- You do not need to fix everything immediately.
- You do not need to rescue the dog from every uncomfortable moment.
- Safety, consistency, and time create trust.
Structure builds stability. Stability allows nurturing to truly matter.
Common Adjustment Behaviors and Practical Solutions
1. Hiding or Avoiding Interaction
What this looks like:
- Hiding under furniture
- Staying in one room
- Freezing when approached
Why it happens:
The dog is overwhelmed and trying to feel safe.
What to do:
- Allow space and do not force interaction
- Let the dog approach you on their own
- Sit calmly and toss treats
- Limit the environment to one or two rooms initially
2. Reluctance to Be Touched
What this looks like:
- Moving away from hands
- Flinching when touched
Why it happens:
- The dog does not yet feel comfortable with physical contact.
What to do:
- Avoid reaching over the head
- Pet under the chin or chest only if invited
- Pair your presence with treats
- Allow affection to develop naturally
3. Clingy or Velcro Behavior
What this looks like:
- Following you constantly
- Distress when you leave the room
Why it happens:
- You represent safety in an unfamiliar environment.
What to do:
- Encourage short periods of independence
- Provide a comfortable place to rest nearby
- Practice calm departures and returns
- Avoid dramatic goodbyes
4. Accidents in the Home
What this looks like:
Potty accidents despite previous training
Why it happens:
Stress, new routines, and unfamiliar signals.
What to do:
- Take the dog outside frequently
- Maintain a consistent schedule
- Reward calm outdoor potty behavior
- Do not punish accidents
5. Reduced Appetite
What this looks like:
- Skipping meals or eating very little
Why it happens:
- Stress commonly suppresses appetite.
What to do:
- Feed in a quiet space
- Maintain consistent food
- Add warm water or bone broth if needed
- Avoid frequent food changes
6. Coughing or Upper Respiratory Symptoms
What this looks like:
- Coughing
- Runny nose
- Low energy
Why it happens:
Common shelter exposure combined with stress.
What to do:
- Complete the full course of doxycycline as prescribed
- Provide immune-support supplements
- Allow steam exposure by running a hot shower and keeping the dog in the bathroom
- Ensure rest and hydration
7. Fear of Common Household Items or People
What this looks like:
Fear of stairs, leashes, mirrors, loud noises, or unfamiliar people
Why it happens:
Lack of prior exposure or negative experiences.
What to do:
- Introduce new things slowly
- Pair exposure with treats
- Allow observation from a distance
- Avoid forcing interaction
8. Vocalizing or Restlessness
What this looks like:
- Whining
- Barking at sounds
Why it happens:
- Stress and communication.
What to do:
- Maintain predictable routines
- Use calming background noise if helpful
- Respond calmly and consistently
9. Sudden Changes in Behavior
What this looks like:
The dog appears different from day to day
Why it happens:
As dogs decompress, they begin expressing emotions they previously suppressed.
What to do:
- Stay consistent
- Reduce stimulation
- Reach out for guidance if concerns persist
10. Destructive Behavior
What this looks like:
- Chewing furniture or personal items
- Destroying bedding or toys
- Scratching doors or walls
- Getting into trash or household items
Why it happens:
Destruction is most often caused by stress, anxiety, boredom, or lack of structure. It is rarely spiteful or intentional. Many shelter dogs have never been taught appropriate outlets for energy or have difficulty self-regulating during transition.
What to do:
- Limit freedom in the home during the decompression period
- Use baby gates or a crate if the dog is crate-trained
- Provide appropriate chew items and rotate them regularly
- Ensure daily physical exercise appropriate for the dog’s age and health
- Incorporate mental enrichment such as food puzzles or slow feeders
- Keep personal items out of reach
- Remain calm and do not punish destructive behavior
Punishment increases anxiety and often worsens destruction. Destructive behavior commonly decreases as the dog feels safe, learns routine, and gains confidence.
11. Destruction When Left Alone
What this looks like:
- Damage that occurs only when the dog is alone
- Scratching or chewing near exits
- Increased anxiety before departures
Why it happens:
This is often related to stress, uncertainty, or early signs of separation-related distress during the adjustment period.
What to do:
- Ensure the dog is exercised before being left alone
- Practice short absences and gradually increase duration
- Provide safe enrichment during alone time
- Confine the dog to a smaller, secure area
- Keep departures and returns calm and low-key (dogs improve when they learn departures are temporary and predictable
12. Reactivity In General
What this looks like:
- Barking, growling, lunging, or stiffening
- Freezing or intense staring
- Backing away, snapping, or avoiding
- Overreacting to people or animals at a distance
Why it happens:
Reactivity is most often rooted in fear, stress, overstimulation, or lack of positive prior experiences. Shelter dogs are exposed to constant noise, movement, and unpredictability. When placed in a new environment, their stress threshold may be very low, causing them to react more quickly than expected.
Reactivity does not equal aggression. It is a form of communication and self-protection.
13. Reactivity Towards People
What this looks like:
- Barking or growling at unfamiliar people
- Fear of men, children, hats, uniforms, or sudden movement
- Avoidance or freezing when approached
What to do:
- Limit introductions to new people during the decompression period
- Allow the dog to observe from a distance without pressure
- Do not force greetings or physical contact
- Ask visitors to ignore the dog and allow the dog to approach if comfortable
- Pair the presence of people with calm, positive experiences such as treats tossed on the ground
- Advocate for the dog by creating space when needed
Trust develops through choice and consistency.
14. Reactivity Towards Other Dogs or Animals
What this looks like:
- Barking or lunging on leash
- Stiff posture or hard staring
- Growling or avoidance during introductions
Why it happens:
The dog may feel unsafe, overstimulated, or unsure how to interact in a new environment. Leashes, confined spaces, and unfamiliar dogs can increase tension.
What to do:
- Avoid dog parks and crowded areas during the adjustment period
- Delay dog introductions until after decompression
- Introduce dogs slowly in neutral, low-pressure environments
- Use parallel walks at a distance rather than face-to-face greetings
- Keep leashes loose and sessions short
- End interactions on a positive note
Slow introductions reduce long-term issues.
15. Leash Reactivity
What this looks like:
Pulling, barking, or lunging while on leash
Why it happens:
Leashes restrict movement and can increase frustration or fear.
What to do:
- Create distance from triggers
- Use high-value treats to reward calm behavior
- Avoid tight leashes or sudden corrections
- Focus on calm, structured walks rather than exposure
Important Notes About Reactivity
- Reactivity does not define the dog’s true temperament
- Reactivity can improve significantly with time, structure, and positive experiences
Many reactive behaviors lessen once the dog feels safe and predictable routines are established.
Important Reminders
- Progress is not linear.
- Setbacks are normal.
- Time builds trust.
- Most behaviors improve with patience and routine.
Many dogs are returned due to unrealistic expectations, not because the dog cannot succeed. Support, structure, and time make a significant difference.
If you feel overwhelmed or unsure, please reach out before making major decisions. Guidance and small adjustments can change outcomes.
Thank You for Saving a Life
By opening your home to this dog, you have done something truly meaningful. You stepped in when they needed someone most and gave them safety, stability, and a second chance. The early days can feel overwhelming, but your patience and commitment are what allow trust to grow and healing to begin. What you are doing matters more than you may realize. Because of you, this dog has a future.