Where Grief Gets Stuck™
Grief is not meant to disappear. It is meant to move.When grief feels stuck instead of moving, it often settles into a survival pattern that once protected you but may now be limiting you.This reflective assessment is designed to help you identify which survival pattern may be shaping your grief experience.This is not a diagnostic tool.Please respond honestly using the scale below.
SECTION 1: Self-Blame
This pattern centers on guilt, replaying events, and believing you could have prevented the loss.
I replay conversations or decisions related to the loss.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I believe I could have prevented what happened.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I frequently think “if only…” about the circumstances of the loss.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I struggle to forgive myself.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I feel responsible for not seeing something sooner
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
SECTION 2: Spiritual Betrayal
This pattern reflects anger, spiritual disorientation, or feeling abandoned by God, fate, or the universe..
I feel angry at God, fate, or the universe.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I feel spiritually abandoned.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
My beliefs have been shaken because of this loss.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I feel punished in some way.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I avoid spiritual or faith conversations because they feel painful.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
SECTION 3: Isolation
This pattern reflects withdrawing from others, feeling emotionally distant, or believing that no one truly understands your grief.
I avoid gatherings that remind me of my loved one.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I have withdrawn from people who care about me.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I feel safer alone.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I don’t feel understood by others.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
My world feels smaller than it used to.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
SECTION 4: Numbing Through Extremes
This pattern reflects staying busy or engaging in behaviors to avoid feeling grief.
I stay busy to avoid thinking about my loss.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I increase activity when emotions rise.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I struggle with stillness.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I use work, drugs, exercise, sex, alcohol, or other behaviors to escape feeling.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I fear what will happen if I slow down.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
SECTION 5: Emotional Suppression
This pattern reflects staying busy or engaging in behaviors to avoid feeling grief.
I tell people I’m fine when I’m not.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I feel pressure to be the strong one.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I avoid crying in front of others.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
I minimize my grief to protect others.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
My emotions show up physically more than verbally.
*
Not at all
1
2
3
4
Very True
5
1 is Not at all, 5 is Very True
Type of Loss or Disruption
*
Death of a loved one
Divorce or relationship ending
Job loss or career disruption
Medical diagnosis (personal or family)
Caregiver-related stress or anticipatory grief
Other significant life change
Other
Time Since Loss
*
Less than 3 months
3–12 months
1–3 years
3–5 years
More than 5 years
Background & Support Information
These optional questions help identify broader patterns across different communities and support systems.
Current Support Level
Individual therapy
Pastoral/spiritual care
Support group
Informal support (friends/family)
No structured support
Age Range
Under 30
30–44
45–59
60–74
75+
Gender Identity
Woman
Man
Non-binary
Transgender
Cisgender
Genderfluid
Agender
Race/Ethnicity
Black / African American
White
Hispanic / Latino
Asian
Native American / Indigenous
Multiracial
FINAL SECTION: How to Interpret Your Results
24–40
Minimal stuck patterns. Your responses suggest grief is present, but not heavily settled into protective survival loops
41–70
Mild to moderate survival patterns. Some areas may feel stuck. Reflection and intentional support could restore movement.
71–95
Significant survival patterns. Your system may be working very hard to protect you. Structured support could be beneficial.
96–125
Strong survival patterns. Grief may feel heavy, repetitive, or isolating. Professional guidance and safe community support are recommended.
Total Score
Remember:
Grief is not about time. It is about movement. If your grief feels stuck, this is the work Dr. Tina specializes in.
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