NVC Exercises Chapter 5 & 6

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Find a place where you enjoy being and may be undisturbed for at least half an hour to 45 minutes.

Take some conscious breaths to quiet your mind and body. Notice your environment: what do you see, hear, smell, feel in this place?

Before you turn your attention to answering these questions, check to see how you feel and what your body is experiencing. Do you feel agitated, bored, tranquil, melancholic …? Are you holding tension in your face, shoulders, back, left little toe …?

Now release any tension and be fully present in this moment and let everything else fade from your consciousness.
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What is the difference between “stimulus” and “cause”?
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What “causes” a particular feeling in us?Write what you feel.
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What are four options for hearing a difficult message?
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How might we speak in a way that acknowledges responsibility for our feelings?
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What is the basic mechanism behind guilt-tripping (getting someone to do something motivated by guilt)?
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What phrase does Marshall suggest using as a way to increase awareness of our own responsibility for what we feel?
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Instead of saying directly what we need, how do we often communicate to others when we want something? What kind of reaction are we likely to get by doing this?
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How can we make it easier for other people to respond with compassion to what we want or are asking for?
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Why might it be particularly difficult or painful for women to express needs?
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What might be possible consequences of our not expressing our needs?
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Write the following: a. Briefly describe a situation where you experienced a distinct feeling, c. identify the stimulus, and d. identify the cause of the feeling.
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In the situation you identified in last question, give an example of how you might have responded using each of the four options.
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Give an example of motivating someone else through the use of guilt, and explain how it might work.
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Explain the difference between “taking responsibility” for someone else’s feelings, and “compassionate caring” for them.
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Give an example of each of the common speech patterns that tend to mask accountability for our own feelings
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Take each example you gave in the above question and change it by using the phrase, “I feel … because I …”
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Identify a specific situation in your own life where your need for the following was not being met: a. autonomy b. celebration c. integrity d. understanding from others e. understanding of others f. community g. peace
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Answer the Following, What constitutes a “request” in NVC? What is the purpose of a request in NVC? How do we express a request in NVC? How is a request different from a demand?
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How might we “test” whether our request is a demand or a request?
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What is likely to happen when we: a. express requests in vague and abstract language?
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Why do we sometimes hear a demand even when the speaker is actually making a request of us?
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Whenever we speak to someone, we are requesting something in return. List three things we may want in return.
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What’s the reason to ask someone to reflect back what we just said to them?
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What might we do if the other person gets annoyed when we ask for a reflection?
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When speaking in a group, why is it important to be clear about what we want back?
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Recall an interaction with someone that did not satisfy you. Give one or several requests you made or could have made in this situation using positive action language.
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For the same situation in the last question, write down how you would tell the other person your observation, feeling, and need. Then follow with: a. a request for what the listener is feeling, and b. a request for what the listener is thinking.
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Write down the words you might use to request someone to reflect back what you just told them.
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Write down what you might say if the other person (above) responds with, “It’s such a pain talking to you—all this repeating back. You treat me like I’m an idiot.”
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Recall something you said (or can imagine yourself saying) at a meeting or in a group. Did you make clear what you wanted back? If not, how could you have done so?
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Recall a specific situation when you asked something of someone. Was it a request or a demand? How do you know?
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Notice, when you are talking to yourself, whether you demand or request. Give examples.
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What was your major take-aways from chapters 5 and 6? How do you plan on applying this to your life?
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Have you tried using NVC in your communications? Tell me about the experience, did it create the result you were hoping for?
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