• The Dialed-In Dad Checklist
    for Dads

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  • Date:*
     - -
    2 digit month, 2 digit day, 4 digit year

  • Dad, I celebrate you for taking this step to strengthen your relationship with your daughter. After completing this questionnaire, you’ll receive an email with a link to a corresponding checklist you can send to her. Together, your responses can provide valuable insight into how you each experience your relationship. It is important that you complete your survey before reading her responses.

  • Dad's Date of Birth:*
     - -
    2 digit month, 2 digit day, 4 digit year
  • Daughter's Date of Birth:*
     - -
    2 digit month, 2 digit day, 4 digit year
  • 1. Generally speaking, my daughter respects me.*
  • 2. I feel my daughter knows what's happening in my life.*
  • 3. I gently tell her my thoughts/fears about the decisions she is making.*
  • 4. I get frustrated/angry with her more than I used to.*
  • 5. I initiate conversations about spiritual things with my daughter.*
  • 6. I talk 'at her' more than 'with her.'*
  • 7. My daughter and I go on dates.*
  • 8. I struggle to engage her in serious conversations.*
  • 9. I am home for dinner with the family.*
  • 10. I tease her about her weight.*
  • 11. I make comments about other people's weight.*
  • 12. I ask her thoughtful questions.*
  • 13. I know my daughter's female friends and have positively interacted with them.*
  • 14. I know my daughter's male friends and have positively interacted with them.*
  • 15. I attend school events or other activities she is involved in.*
  • 16. I have been condescending to her mother, sometimes in front of my daughter.*
  • 17. I have taken an active interest in her education.*
  • 18. My daughter tells me about things she is learning in her life.*
  • 19. My daughter shares about her spiritual journey with me.*
  • 20. I respect my daughter's opinions without pressuring her to believe or think the way I do.*
  • 21. I take interest in how my daughter uses her devices and spends time on screens.*
  • 22. I have surprised her with a gift.*
  • 23. My daughter is comfortable crying in front of me.*
  • 24. I am comfortable letting my daughter see me cry.*
  • 25. We have unique dad-daughter traditions.*
  • 26. My daughter and I both enjoy staying active and healthy.*
  • 27. My daughter likes bringing her friends to our house.*
  • 28. We talk openly about alcohol and drugs, and she tells me the truth about it.*
  • 29. We have had an honest interactive talk about sex (not just me lecturing).*
  • 30. I have more positive interactions with her than negative ones.*
  • 31. I can name her favorite media genres and influencers (music, movies, sports...)*
  • 32. My daughter is secure in my love.*
  • 33. I have taken my daughter to a movie or concert of her choosing.*
  • 34. I criticize my body in front of her.*
  • 35. I pray for her and with her.*
  • 36. I know how to make her laugh.*
  • 37. I apologize and ask forgiveness when I have hurt her.*
  • 38. I care about what my daughter is feeling and thinking.*
  • 39. I speak honestly with her in a loving way.*
  • 40. I have responded in anger when she does something I don't like.*
  • 41. I tend to lecture more than listen to her.*
  • 42. I affirm and compliment her mom in front of her.*
  • 43. I have written notes to express my love and care for her.*
  • 44. I text my daughter to touch base and let her know I am thinking about her.*
  • 45. I engage her in conversation after her or my work day.*
  • 46. I understand and appreciate my daughter's personality and character.*
  • 47. I affirm my daughter's beauty with my words -- written or verbal.*
  • 48. I can talk with my daughter about sensitive topics (ex: gender issues, interpersonal violations, politics, equality...)*
  • 49. I make an effort to meet the people my daughter dates.*
  • 50. I am physically affectionate with my wife/ partner in front of her.*
  • 51. I give physical affection to my daughter.*
  • 52. I have spoken with my daughter about how to save and spend money.*
  • 53. I participate in community service with her.*
  • 54. My daughter and I do things together that strengthen our faith.*
  • 55. I answer her questions about my life when she asks me.*
  • 56. I show favoritism in the way I relate to my children.*
  • 57. I open up with my daughter about what I am learning in my life.*
  • 58. I keep an eye on her phone history and/or location to know where she is.*
  • 59. I respectfully step into her world to see what's happening.*
  • 60. I have a pattern of checking in with her and listening.*

  • The Dialed-In Dad Checklist | SCORING

  • 170 - 180
    I am strongly tuned in to my daughter's life while consistently pursuing her heart.

    140 - 169
    Overall, I am dialed in, but there are some areas that specifically need my attention and commitment to improve.

    110 - 139
    Truth be told, it's hit or miss in terms of intentionally investing in my daughter's life and I am admitting my short-comings here without making excuses. It's time to "kick it up a notch."

    30 - 109
    I see clearly that I have fallen short of being a solid role model and admit that change has to begin with me if I want to win back my daughter's trust and actively engage in healing her wounded heart.

  • If you’re like the men in my groups, you're ready to use your score as a gauge for where you are now, as well as a template for where you still need to focus to strengthen your relationship with your daughter.

    I love hearing from dads in The Abba Project who have told me they made a copy of this checklist and put it in a prominent place (e.g., their closet) where it reminds them of what they need to work on.

  • Now take the next step by inviting your daughter to complete a corresponding checklist where she can answer the same 60 questions about how she experiences her relationship with you.

    You can access The Dialed-in Dad Checklist for Daughters here >> CHECKLIST

    After your daughter completes the form, she has the option for an auto-generated copy of the form to be sent to your email.

    Dad, I trust this checklist will help lead the way as you seek to be the best dad you can be and the best dad your daughter needs you to be. 

    Go Dad!

    Dr. Michelle Watson Canfield
    Founder | The Abba Project

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