• RiskAlert!

    Brief check for recognizing and avoiding the innocent little things that cause many a downfall. Don't wait for hindsight to be your teacher!
  • Healthcare, Sports, Education, Churches: Understand Inappropriate Contacts and What to Do About Them

    Healthcare, Sports, Education, Churches: Understand Inappropriate Contacts and What to Do About Them

    • Another Pandemic is Going On... Beware! 

    • "They said I groomed someone!"

      An assistant coach takes a special interest in a young athlete, dedicates extra time, and is soon accused of inappropriately touching a minor. Whether the minor flirted, enjoyed advances, or helped create compromising situations will always be irrelevant.

      Just down the street, an empathic and caring therapist feels great heartache for a highly abused client. Sessions always feel cut short and an invitation is extended to meet less formally for a longer uninterrupted conversation. Both enjoy it and find it therapeutic, and a dating relationship soon develops. 

      At a nearby university, a professor takes a special interest in an awkward graduate student whose gifts and worth have gone unappreciated, and a special bond develops. Fill in the rest.

      At a local church, a beloved and effective pastor working non-stop makes time after hours for one more advisee -- whose husband has forgotten her value.

      At the local hospital, a nurse loses his career after accepting a social invitation from a patient who is back on their feet.

      Back at the nearby high school, a teacher grows very fond of a particular student who shows appreciation for the important life lessons being added to calculus.

      These stories have several things in common, and none lead to a good place for either person. Even when no abuse or exploitation is intended, like with that "poor abused client who is finally able to experience being treated with dignity and honor!" such relationships can be predicted to fail and cause harm and strife to both parties. For example, they will never undo the leader/follower basis of the relationship, and the secrecy is a large burden to maintain especially among family, friends, etc. Even regardless of ethics and licensing Boards, the likelihood of being a sustainable weight-bearing and stress-enduring relationship is very very small. Each usually only knows what the other presented about themselves, rather than what they are really like over time, and time is not on their side as they correct their assumptions, hopes, and idealizations unravel. Normal relationships are already hard enough to develop and navigate without the added pressures of secrecy or obstacles to "turning back."

      Of course, unethical and regrettable things do not occur when everyone is feeling perfectly rational, well-rested, content, and funtioning at 100%. But depending on the number of pressures and problems involved, the intensity of temptation, realities of fatigue and frustrations, and then a sudden occurrence of opportunity or encouragement, anyone can have a moment of weakness. And by analogy to alcohol and driving, it's quite unlikely that an impaired person recognizes their impairment when it counts. It's important to remove all naivete about how much more painful an already struggling life can suddenly become, and to recognize what is actually happening on a rather widespread level in society.

    • "I'm a good, ethical person. Investigators won't waste their time on me."

      A surprising number of disciplinary actions happen to very moral, religious, caregiving, and otherwise integrity-oriented people. All it takes is ONE complaint, one misunderstanding of a gesture or comment, to get on the radar of a regulatory agency or an HR department. Suddenly there are a lot of questions being asked, by more people than is comfortable, and you can feel blindsided by the opinions and perspectives that arise. Gestures, informality, and support that seemed innocent and even appreciated in one context suddenly become issues for investigation of negligence, misconduct, abuse of power and vulnerability, poor quality of care, or more. Even long-term colleagues and friends may begin to wonder about you or your judgment, and worry about their own self-preservation while the spotlight is nearby. Are you sure you're recognizing the number of risks and vulnerabilities that can result in irreversible harm to yourself, others, and your career and outside interests?

    • “[T]wo important features of human error tend to be overlooked.

      First, it is often the best people who make the worst mistakes—error is not the monopoly of an unfortunate few. Second, far from being random, mishaps tend to fall into recurrent patterns. The same set of circumstances can provoke similar errors, regardless of the people involved. The pursuit of greater safety is seriously impeded by an approach that does not seek out and remove the error-provoking properties within the system at large.” – James Reason (2000)

    • Your eagerness to help people may also be what opens the door to problems. Especially in institutions.

      Many a provider, teacher, coach, etc. who faces an investigation began their career or volunteering with a large humanitarian heart and an insatiable desire to help people. Many of us are eager to champion a person and see them grow, excel, achieve, and experience positive things. Yet we might come to view the formalities of institutions that initiated the relationship as a kind of barrier to the person's full development. That is a slippery slope. As soon as we begin to take on a bigger role in that person's life, we begin to expose ourselves to misunderstandings and commission of what others will judge as inappropriate -- even if we don't. And then you will definitely see a power differential in who ultimately decides regarding laws and ethics.
    • The tools below do not probe for willful, deliberate, or intentional violations, grooming, or seducing.

      The tools below do not probe for willful, deliberate, or intentional violations, grooming, or seducing.

      They're for people who want to avoid not only inappropriate behavior but also the horrors of how things can look in hindsight. This tool was created to reduce the high number of career-rocking incidents that occur among kind, generally ethical people who mean well but anticipate poorly.
    • https://pixabay.com/photos/photo-montage-girls-globe-trotters-5792487/

      The paths to missteps appear obvious later.

      Profession-related investigations are rarely about a cunning and deliberate perpetrator. Most departures from norms begin harmlessly enough, and even with genuine concern and good intentions. But when something goes wrong, it's easy for even kindness to be viewed critically in hindsight, especially by third parties. And it never matters if a minor, student, patient, or other person initiated or wanted a boundary crossing at the time; the person at risk is YOU.
    • The Hippocratic Oath Is Only a Start 

    • Ethics used to be much simpler.

      Medical providers have been using the Hippocratic Oath as a guide for thousands of years. Yet in modern society things have become a bit more complicated and life can go sideways or downhill very quickly. Good people do not generally imagine or foresee just how serious and complicated life can become. And it is far too easy and common to dismiss cautions since we rarely identify with terms like "predator," "abuser," "groomer," or even "seducer." It's the unintended mishaps we hope to help you recognize and avoid. Dismissal of this concern may be akin to ignoring cautions about pickpocketing or other problems travelling abroad; they may be unfamiliar and seem "laughable" in our normal context. But upon entering our profession, a volunteer role, or by our differences in age and authority, we need to recognize that we're not in Kansas anymore. There may be temptations, situations, and threats we are not quite prepared for, which may seem easy to avoid initially but can end up really looking unjustifiable to third parties or even law enforcement, or otherwise putting our name and reputation at risk. These were 2 criteria the ancients highlighted in their work with ailing people. What do you think of each?

    • Notice that these assume the entire burden is on an individual. Yet "systems" can be more or less prone to having infractions. Some circumstances might just need to be avoided at all costs.

      It's probably not a good idea for a young heterosexual male recently graduated from college to become a teacher at an all-girls high school. While many men might individually be able to handle it without problems, any single incident can be followed with a very reasonable question to the people doing the hiring: "What did you think was going to happen? Was human nature supposed to be on hold?" Yet it's unlikely we can avoid all environments that involve some risk or challenge. We just shouldn't be cavalier or deny the level of vigilance needed, and sometimes it's wiser to remove ourselves from an environment or activity. It's better to manage your freedom than to have others manage it for you, as occurs with registered sex offenders. (OK, yes, that's completely unthinkable in your case, but also for many people facing that turn-of-events in their lives.)

    • For organizations, it should not be about "Who blundered?" but rather, "Why did defenses fail?" "Does our culture help people disclose problems?"

      Mistakes happen at the individual level, but there is often a systemic problem in the way of not making it safe to bring up problems. It takes two to tango, and certainly two to listen. Many problems would not escalate if there is a true culture of safe private discussion and remedy. It can be extremely hard for someone to admit attraction to a minor, or to a parent, or patient, or teacher. And in the current climate of reporting and criminalization, people don't even know if they can trust therapists and other people formerly allowed to keep things in confidence. Thus many problems are likely going undealt with and unfortunately escalate. As individuals, we should still prioritize finding a nonjudgmental confidante, or a confidential support group. Just by airing some of our darkest thoughts we can already weaken them and make it less likely that we would act on them.
    • It's Rarely This Obvious 
    • It never looks this obvious.

      Before you dismiss something as trivial or common, ask yourself what an objective peer (or journalist!) might think of a situation. Are you be willing to ask them?

      Your reason and logic are not what dictates how things are done in an institution or the legal system. Beware of expecting things to proceed in ways you believe logical or reasonable. Instead, expect policies to be the result of numerous odd situations over decades that have resulted in what we encounter today. If you are hesitant to ask or explain your unique situation to a peer, that is already a red flag. Also, if an out-of-bounds person has any prior history of being abused or victimized, your actions will be considered the latest in that chain. Good luck!
    • It never looks this obvious.

      "I never planned to eat that fly. It was spontaneous!"

      It is common for a contrite violator to initially believe they acted "impulsively." After all, someone like you never has a "plan" to do intentionally something wrong. Often the real oversight is in not having a plan to interrupt ourselves when feeling tempted, impulsive, manic, giddy, enthused, desperate, etc., or for when an unexpected opportunity or even encouragement suddenly presents itself. Those are the times we need to be ready for, not for the times when we're balanced, content, and rational. Much like with drinking and driving, it's often the minimization of concerns or impairment, the overestimation of virtue and self-control, reliance on a clean history, and the lack of a failsafe plan that together leave too much room for a crash. We need to be humble and plan for times when our personal vulnerability may become heightened AND be suddenly met with an overwhelming opportunity. Imagine having conflict at home or work, feeling lonely and unappreciated, and then suddenly being shown deep appreciation and even flirtation by an attractive out-of-bounds person. Most days you might be able to wave it off, but those aren't the days we need help with. If statisticians, underwriters, and gamblers could watch these downfalls happen as a kind of reality show, watching critical circumstances come together or intensify, they would be making a great deal of money. The repetition of rationalizations would also make it amusing after a while, in a dark comedy way. While a downfall is not truly predictable in the case of any individual, statistically they are very likely since so few people understand how they actually happen. Society is too busy using words like "predator" and "grooming" and perpetuating cycles rather than understand and curb them. Instead, humility about being human and flawed can help each of us reduce wishful dismissive thinking ("we're all adults here") and honor what is more fundamentally true to experience ("I do like X, Y, and Z, and sometimes I take more than I should"). So, imagine yourself at your worst need, worst judgment, least in touch with reality, and plan for that! Just as an alcoholic might install a breath-analysis device on their car to prevent the car from starting based on a certain blood-alcohol level not based on their feelings at the moment.

    • If you hesitate or can imagine disagreement over it, don't do it!

      And if you can imagine an angry person twisting what occurred into a very dark interpretation, do expect that to happen. Either consult with a peer, or take your difficulty consulting as a sign that the behavior will become known and consequences will follow.
    • https://pixabay.com/users/adege-4994132/

      Wondering, Wandering, and Points of No Return.

      Noticing, wondering, and being attracted to others is a normal part of life. But with each one we need to consider whether the attraction is healthy, neutral, or potentially problematic. If a relationship would be inappropriate then we should make decisions to avoid "feeding" it or building a longing for it. Denial is also problematic; it is usually a better strategy to recognize something and then contain it than pretend it does not need containment. Effective support groups often start with a step of admitting something is problematic or even unmanageable. We become sitting ducks for slow gradual declines. The sooner we recognize and honor a problem, the sooner we can break our isolation and get help around it. Many people who have lost their careers or ended up in prison say some version of, "I wish I had talked about it to someone!" Don't be so busy thinking you're no predator that you fail to see you might become someone's (even accidental) prey.
    • Mental Health Providers 
    • Blurring of Boundaries 

    • Self-Reflections

      The questions below are about risk and vulnerability factors that can be considered long before any actual opportunity for misconduct. Please consider each statement twice, once for your own agreement or disagreement, and then again for how a review board of peers would answer it about you. Some may be things you are already addressing and improving. Admitting risk does not mean a single factor or vulnerability is conclusive. Look instead for the number of factors that may be at play, which can help determine a strategy for preventing problems.
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    • Power Differential 
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    • Vulnerabilities and Rationalizations 
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    • Lack of Clear Policies? 
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    • Video-Based Interactions 
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    • Extra Risky Situations 
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    • Submission is Good. But optional.

      There is no need to send this anywhere. It is a tool for you, and hopefully you will take some steps to reduce your exposure to risk. You can also hit PDF below to print or save a local copy before resetting/clearing.
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